I never update this... if you haven't realized that by now, you're not ever reading it!
Well, life is a chaos of confusion for me most of the time. Single life isn't as easy to adjust to as I'd hoped. It's not that I can't handle being on my own, it's not knowing how to stop worrying about my ex. He has too many issues and problems, and I know he's heading for total self-destruction. It's sink or swim, but he never learned how to swim and can't get over his fear of water.
Love is the one thing I don't think will ever be understood by any one person in a lifetime. It's confusing, illogical, and downright unpredictable. Ending my last relationship was a wise decision, but still the pain remains. Of course, my friends think that to be insane because of all the hurt, stress, and grief it caused me. Still, I love him and miss him... the antichrist that he is.
So, I'm trying to get back to normal. Still. Putting on that happy face and trying to avoid the little reminders. I went for a walk the other day and stopped at the cemetery down the road for a little reflection. As I went to the trash can to throw out a paper, the past stared me back in the face. It was the can of soda he had thrown out when we were there months ago. Of course, this made me think of two things: "don't they ever dump out trash??" and "great... and I was in such a good mood". I can be a sappy person at times, and in some ways, I'm a slave to my past. Both the good memories and painful ones stay around, resurfacing out of the blue from time to time. Hopefully, I can lock up that trunk and throw it into the ocean.
I think getting back to a social life will help though. Being left to stew in your own thoughts for too long isn't healthy. I need to step outside and spend some time in the sun (which is next to impossible in Ohio... London has better weather). This too shall pass, and I'l be back to normal. Maybe then I can get back to my writing and working toward a future. A good slap in the face would definitely help!