Friday, December 31, 2004

Resolutions for a New Year

Ok, it's that time of year again, to make rediculous goals we brush off within the first week. But alas, I'll carry on with them anyway!

1) Quit smoking for good this time. Call the Ohio Quit Help Line if need be.

2) Get back in shape, no excuses!! Only one more pants size to go to get to my goal... well, 1 1/2. Bulk up on some muscle, even if it's weight training with furniture. lol

3) Get published, no matter what company. Time to grab the bull by the horns and get this book finished and on shelves ASAP.

Of course, there are other things I plan on doing this year... college, continuing my course becoming a stronger mental and emotional person, socializing more with good people.......which brings me to my social circle changes.

Friends are something all of us need, but it's all in who you spend time with. Right now, my friend from Strongsville is on the top of that list. We're becoming good friends and i love spending time with him. My DJ friend, well.. we need to keep in touch better. Ok, I need to call him more often. LOL My ex.. well, we're keeping in touch for the first time in a long time, and i actually enjoy talking to him now. My messed-up stripper friend? well, hopefully i can be a good influence on him. My Columbus friend, well, i need to work on trust and contacting him... (hmm.. seems to be a pattern here!) The one I pined over for years and always bitch about? Ok... he needs cut out like a tick in my leg! Only good, relatively drama-free people need to be in my life. All the bitchy, whiny, sex-driven queens can all go have some wild orgy in a nitroglycerine plant.

Think I'm being a tad bit too harsh? NAH!! LOL

Thursday, December 30, 2004

The More Things Change...

He called me "honey"...

Yes, an ex of mine used that term while saying "if we do ever end up getting back together again" several times throughout the conversation. So, would I consider that possibility? If you asked me a year ago, I'd say no. But now...

Well, enough of that. So, what else is new with me?

Not much. But too much at the same time.

I have decided to get my MA in English finally though. Re-enrolling in college should give me the kick in the pants I need to move from dreamer to career girl. lol

A new year is almost upon us.. time to make this one count!!!!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Feeling Rather 'Un-Gay'

Ok, I have to admit it. I fess up.

I went shopping at Gap yesterday. But the pants were on sale!

Yes, I know... it's sad. I've considered myself very individual and against the grain, yet I shopped at Gap. And Calvin Klein this summer. Oh, the humanity!!

I don't know. Sometimes I just think I'm so un-gay. I don't go shopping all the time, don't wear the latest fashions... I can't tell you the latest albums from Madonna and Cher or what they ate for dinner last night while shopping in some big city. I don't live in a gloriously decorated place or go clubbing every night. I don't work out "just a bit" or "all the time" to have an incredible body.

But you know something? I want to. And i hate admitting that. Society and culture drag you in sometimes. I want to have that nice body, nice car, nice studio apartment,... nice boyfriend. I guess we all want that in some way. It's not about being "normal", it's about being accepted.

It's sad really that for so long being young, being gay was difficult in the way that so many of us were striving to be accepted by people. It seems now that it's not enough. You have to be the typical gay man to be accepted in a lot of gay scenes... then again, that's mainstream gay culture... so maybe that's because i'm not mainstream in an un-mainstream culture? Oy veh.... it's so confusing!!!

I guess I really do think too much!!

Mirror Balls, Spinning Around... Why Won't It Just Stop???

Ok, yes, I know... I've been gone for far too long. Here's the past few months in a nutshell:

Akron didn't work out too well. Friend decided to move out of state. I decided to move with him. Moved to Shreveport, Louisiana. Couldn't find a job and was always broke. Happy, yet not happy. Two months into the move, I decided to move back to work on my writing. Took Amtrak back on Halloween. Moved back home. Started my old job.

Brief synopsis, I know, but it's waaay too complex to get into all details, but back to my old life. Working on building good friendships, possibly going on a few dates here and there...

Some things never change though. My former best friend is still being a dickwad. I haven't seen him since just before I left. But that's ok, he's getting his. I'm writing a screenplay now that I hope to have finished in less than a week (well, first draft at least) and he's in it... being shown for who he is. I've mentioned to friends ideas for screenplays in the past, but this is completely different than any of them. It just came to me one day and i started writing. The ending is still up in the air, but i think it could turn into a damn good movie. Well, we shall see...

Ok, back to waking up after getting a good sleep for the first tiME in a week! I'll start updating more often... I think. :-p

Monday, September 6, 2004

Things That Make You Go "Hmm..."

Well, the weekend seems to have gone by very quickly... and left me feeling confused, even though I thought i had some direction towards the end.

I went out with a friend of mine and his boyfriend for dinner today, after having an interesting night discussing problems my best friend is having. I come back to an empty house, and try to make the best of it by keeping myself occupied and talking with my friend again. We both want to start working out again badly, and I know it would do me a world of good, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. So, well, that's a plus....

My best friend and his boyfriend finally came home around midnight. They had taken a trip to a place my best friend had wanted to go view for a while... and well, i had wanted to go too, for a few reasons, besides having a chance to discuss things more in depth with him about and see firsthand things... but alas, i have no car at this point. Ain't that a shit?

I don't know. Perhaps it's just my mindset today. From my vantage point, it seems like the most discussion i've had with my best friend is a few hellos and goodbyes, aside from the brief chat this morning. I guess it's the first time since we moved in that i actually felt like a roommate first and foremost. Seems like stress and confusion are are abound right now, and I just need to find some way to grasp an understanding of things, which is very difficult because no single thought or idea seems concrete and tangible in the first place.

Well, hopefully there will be time to talk tomorrow to try to figure things out.... I felt like i was intruding tonight, so I didn't press the issue. When discussions seem to stop a little too abruptly, that's when a little internal alarm goes off that something isn't quite right. But as they always say, "only time will tell..."