Monday, November 13, 2006

Perpetually in Neutral

So, I'm terrible at keeping current with updates... what else is new??

My first book, Haunted Cuyahoga, is frozen at 8 sold copies. Ouch, that smarts a little. But in all fairness, I've been neglecting my duties setting up with distributors, so I'm to blame for this.. as per usual. There's just never enough time in the day, and my day job leaves me exhausted and frustrated so much of the time that I do in fact forget to try for my great escape.

In one week, my significant other and I will officially be celebrating 2 years together. Time flies when you're (attempting to but rarely succeeding in) having fun! I know many people are shocked... as am I... and it's still a constant battle. Anti-depressants for him would make life so much easier. Or is it just the fact that he's a Gemini?

I am excited though. No matter what happens, this spring is my chance at a much-needed vacation. I'm returning to London, since it's been 7 years, and hopefully starting on my goal of one vacation a year. I'm already gathering a list of cities I hope to get a chance to visit after this: Montreal, Sydney, Prague, Dublin, Bucharest (both Hungary and Romania), Cologne, etc. Money will be tight, but it'll be worth it. I need a little inspiration to get me back into the artistic mindset.

That's about all though. Nothing much happens. I've wanted to go out on another ghosthunt, but time hasn't been kind to me... and now the weather's getting downright horrid. So much to focus on, and no time or concentration to do it...

Monday, October 30, 2006

The Air Itself is Filled With Monsters

Ok, I know it's the day before Halloween and all, but there's something wrong.

I started out the day with a late start to work, which is relatively normal nowadays. A black cat crossed the road on the way in, but I'm not a very superstitious person. Still, upon arriving here, there's something odd in the air. It's almost as if there's a tension which is almost indescribeable... a heaviness in the air, as if something is about to happen... or already has. I don't think it's about work or anything similar. It just feels as if there's something truly wrong. Am I repeating myself? Definitely. But it's the only way to desbribe today... almost like standing on a bridge with a feeling of imminent doom or dread.

So far, my book hasn't been as much of a success as I was hoping. It's disappointing, but only time will tell if that will change. Nothing else much is happening odd in my life, just the normal everyday dull existence. Hopefully something positive will happen soon, but I'm still hoping for the best.

Friday, August 4, 2006

How American Are You?

You Are 32% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it.

But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over.

On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead...

And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Back to Life.. Back to Reality....

Ok, this is absurd. I know I'm a writer and all, but now I'm juggling this blog, my old livejournal blog, and now... my Yahoo 360 blog! STOP THE INSANITY!!!!

So much has been going on lately, I've neglected my writing.. but now, I can't do that any longer. In good news, I have 2 separate local libraries scheduling me for ghost programs in October: the 18th and 25th. The 2 hour lectures will be a lot of fun, and a chance to get out and meet new people for a change...and test my stage fright! They also told me that if I finish my ghost book by then, I can sell it there. So I've decided to buckle down and try my best to finish this long-forgotten project in a month and see if I can get somewhere with it. It's time to move on to better things...

And speaking of... most of you will be happy to know I finally cut all ties with the ex. I know.... waaay too friggin late!! It had to be done though. Even my mother told me it was definitely time. I spent too much time ignoring everyone I know, including the friends I hold near and dear. Most of you have heard this story before... but this time, you have my word on it. And if I even think about going back, I expect to be slapped hard in the face!

Work has been brutal, but I'm trying to not let it kill me. I have some saving to do for February (or March) of next year. I put off my vacation for too long (the last one was in 1999) and since my friends Bill and Shawn are taking time, I figure it's my turn too. So, I'm planning my trip to Sydney, Australia a decade after first saying I would take it. Life's too short not to just go for something sometimes. I have a million places I want to see in my life, so I better get started!!

No word yet about my screenplay, but I'm not rushing things. I have a full plate right now as it is!

Sunday, July 9, 2006

Feed Me to the Lions

Well, I may have made the best move ever, or the biggest mistake in my short-lived writing career. I can't contain the nervous energy and regret, minced with worry and "stup, stupid, stupid" running over and over in my mind. "But it's too late, baby, now it's too late..."

Yes, I took the plunge, albeit possibly prematurely. My screenplay, "Afterglow", is right now in the hands of an employee of Lion's Gate Entertainment in California.

I started revisions after the fact, and didn't think the mutual friend would pass it along so fast. But he did. And now, I'm entering foreign territory and running with the big dogs before I'm officially paper trained.

I have a lot riding on this, btu still, tons of projects in my lap too.. so if I do fall flat on my face and become a laughing stock, I do have options to redeem myself. But when five or six figures are on the table, this is no time NOT to panic!!

Sunday, July 2, 2006

Car 54, Where Are You???

Ok.. it's been too long, I know. But well, after everything, it's time for a major update.

Well, first, the good news: I finished the second draft of my screenplay, registered it with the WGA, and have a few more writing projects to work on now.

And now for something completely different...

Somehow, I doubt this will come as a shock to anyone who knows my ex. But he's gone over the deep end... literally. The past week, he's been acting strange. Not just a little odd, but "in desperate need of anger management" strange. He's been verbally abusive toward me at every chance, and tonight, he physically attacked his parents. So, what happened, you ask? He has some time to think. He's in jail until July 5th.

Hopefully, he'll get the mental help he desperately needs. Who knows what set him off, but the fact that every time something bad has come out of his mouth it's been under the influence of alcohol might have something to do with it.

I had my own run-in with him a week ago... well, his fist met my lip. The police were called then too, so he's in deep right now. I'm healed... outside. Inside, I'm just a jumble of anger, sadness, worry, and confusion. Well, that all boils down to apathy now. I want him to get the mental help he needs, but I'm worn out on caring. I've got my own life to worry about and get in order. He has to learn to do the same.

So, obviously, it's been an insane week. But I guess this means I have my free time back, finally....

Sunday, April 23, 2006

A Writer Writes... Always

I've started reading another wonderful book today (though I still have 2 unfinished ones... I'm too far behind with everything!) I consider it a mild celebration for an end to my writer's block. The book is "Don't Get Too Comfortable" by David Rakoff. Though it's wonderful and hilarious to read, it depresses me just the same... and not because of the subject matter.

My obsession with the written English language leaves me feeling like a Neanderthal after reading other well-written books. Sure, I've come far from my elementary school years of "she went downstairs and saw a piano and got scared," but in the grand scheme of things, my writing feels just as bland to me. Although reading a thesaurus from front to back might help tremendously, I don't exactly have the patience and mindlessness to perform such a mundane task.

I'm such a peasant!!

But still, I feel quite confident today. I have a storyboard up finally, and that's the final step before writing a rough draft of "7 Valium" (my screenplay.) I see a few missing holes that need filling in before the story can be whole and run in a full circle, but I'm finally so close I can taste it. And yes, that means I'm one step closer to my vacation. Oddly enough, I have to thank my last boyfriend for this monumental achievement. If it hadn't been for my frustration with him and the moments of anxiety he caused lately, I wouldn't have had the dogged determination to write and block everything else out. LOL

I guess good things can come from bad...

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Rain It Raineth on the Just....

Another week slowly approaches its end....

My birthday went rather well, surprising with the low turnout. But I had a chance to see a few people I haven't seen in years, and spend some time with my favorite people. The cake turned out wonderfully as well...

Other than that, not much is new. My Aussie friend and I have still been chatting here and there via email, though he does have things to accomplish aside from sitting in front of a computer talking to me all day... and I have my writing to work on, since that's what will pay for my vacation. My ex has been going back and forth between tolerable and completely-annnoying-in-a-Tourettes-sort-of-way. Some men just need to be sedated heavily... or shot. Whichever is easier.

Work has become one of my major frustrations. The shelves are now reorganized, with numbers going in illogical directions and a complete lack of order. I nearly ran out of the building this morning, pulling my hair out. If we're going to play "Helen Keller takes on the Dewey Decimal System," may I please be permanently excused?? But no... I can't afford to quit. Otherwise, I would walk out and never return.

Quitting smoking has its difficult moments... but I've been successful so far. Ok, maybe I cheated a couple times and snuck outside for a cigarette, but it's better than smoking more than a pack a day! lol I went for a hike yesterday, and it did relieve a little tension... not as much as something else would, but I'll manage without it for now. LOL

I ran across another ghost website created by people in my own town. It's... interesting... but eh, meeting new local people with common interests might get me out into fresh air more often. But with the threat of rain for the next few days, somehow I'm not sure that will happen.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Patty Cake, Patty Cake......

Well, the cake is frozen still... the plans had to be changed so it wouldn't only serve 6 very petite people. LOL I'm waiting until tonight/tomorrow morning to worry about finishing it, since I have to do the cutting and frosting all at once to prevent crumbling.

I am eagerly awaiting my birthday email from my Aussie friend. I'll be sure and wake up early so I can start my birthday on a very good note! I have some phone calls satill to make today to make sure everyone's coming, but I'll wait until later for that. And I have someone else to invite who never responded to my invite... should be a fun night, even though there are going to be female strippers there late. Might need a back-up plan.... or just avoid Bounce like the plague. LOL I'm sure my straight friend will head over there, if his girlfriend doesn't beat him unconscious!

Tonight should be great.. a movie and dinner with two great friends. Then the cake.. then the party... a great weekend! I just hope all my friends get along... some of them are very interesting characters. LOL But even so, I think this shall go down as my best birthday to so far!

Ugh.. I'm still giddy and I can't stop smiling. LOL I can't imagine what caused that!!! LOL

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I Don't Have to Be Me 'Til Monday

Finally.. a much-needed 3 day weekend! And the weather couldn't be better! Prime time for construction workers to be baring their tanned and sunburnt brawn. Oh, how I missed summer. LOL

Even though I'm a bit tired from work (a very short day, thankfully), I'm still feeling completely happy. Honestly, haven't felt this wonderful in a very, very, VERY long time. I have to thank my Aussie friend for that. He had to limit his emails to once a week so he could concentrate on everything else in his life... you could say he's become a bit obsessed, but in a good way. lol As if he's the only one! LOL When I go from casually joking about leaving the country to planning out a strategy for moving permanently to Oz, you know there's more to it than just a "phase." It's funny how logic and rational thought fly ot the window sometimes in matters of the heart.. and how you can care so much for someone after a few months and feel so utterly and completely connected to someone that the words "soul mate" run over and over in your head at a dizzying speed. But even in perfect situations, nothing's ever perfect! LOL After all, in a perfect world, we would both be single and wealthy enough to just jump on a plane and see each other. LOL But what's life without a few dreams??

Only 1 1/2 days left until I turn "another year older and deeper in debt." LOL And I never thought I'd say this, but I'm happy about it! I know some of my friends are going to read this and think "who are you and what have you done with Ken!?" because I'm not usually this cheerful all the time. It's amazing how one close friendship can change your life.

Unfortunately, though, I need to find my own balance though. I haven't touched a screenplay in over a month and that's my ticket to a vacation Down Under. Perhaps I too need to take my head out of the coulds for a minute and come back to reality and hit the books, so to speak. I have to make a living somehow, and spending day after day toiling in a warehouse wearing myself out for an income that still puts me below the poverty line isn't going to do that! One screenplay would pay me at least as much as I would make in 5 years at the warehouse. How sad is that? LOL

What? Me, obsessive? Never! Just because my Aussie friend has (or merely appears to have) more self-control than I do doesn't mean I'm obsessed. Hmm?? Denial? Isn't that a river in Egypt? LOL

On a side note too... I've decided to make a change in my life starting after by birthday. Yes, you're all heard it before... I'm quitting smoking. AGAIN. lol But hopefully for good this time. Since I plan on having some drinks on my birthday, I won't say I won't smoke that day. I know alcohol and ciggies go hand-in-hand. I need to find something else to relieve nervous tension that builds up in me. Something constructive instead of fatal. Even if it's chewing on pencils, it'd be a better choice. A new year of my life is dawning.. and it looks as if it's going to e the most wild, interesting, and adventurous one as of yet!

Sunday, April 9, 2006

Georgie Porgie, Pudding Pie....

Well, it's been an interesting weekend. That's now always a bad thing though...

It started off friday with making my Aussie friend cry. No, no, I wasn't mean to him at all. It was actually from a compliment. I just said how much he meant to be as a friend and how if everyone were as wonderful as he is, the world would be a much nicer place. He said it's the nicest thing ever said about him. And all I was aiming for is a smile.. I guess I overshot the runway. LOL

Saturday was rather uneventful. But sometimes, that's a good thing.

Today, I went to a friend's girlfriend's birthday party. I walked there (a good 5 1/2 miles, ouch!) and we all went to a mexican restaurant. There weren't many of us (the two of them, my friend's mother, a straighy guy from myspace, and a lesbian couple) but we had a blast. Good food, good people,.... who could ask for more?? We only met today for the first time, even though we've talked online for 2 years. We both thought the other lived in Lakewood. LOL Only a few weeks ago we finally realized we lived 6 miles from each other. They've been having it rough though. She and her girlfriend live with her father... and he's evicting them on Friday. Some people just can't handle someone's sexual orientation. Perhaps the talk of a sex change sent him over the edge finally. They're stressed out about trying to find a place with no notice and no money saved. I really do wish I could help.

I ended up walking back after we all stopped for some Handel's ice cream (the coffee chocolate chip was quite good) and I settled in for another dull night. Only 5 more days til I'm a year older... seems like only yesterday I was turning 21 and having a terrible birthday. This seems to be the first year things actually go quite well. I have a decent turnout so far, but I have to see if I need to reserve tables. Might be a good idea to let them know ahead of time! So much to do, so little time...

Friday, April 7, 2006

By "Hook" or By Crook....

Life is a never-ending tumble through the bizarre and unusual. I'm beginning to absorb all of this very slowly. You never quite know what is waiting for you around the next corner.

This has been an eventful week for me. Mostly good, which is a nice change of pace. But we'll start off with the not-so-good bits to get that out of the way. Well, one thing. My once best friend.

I hadn't heard from him in months. Now that he found a man and is happy, everyone else doesn't really matter to him, including me. So he left me a voicemail last night. Our birthdays are a day apart, but he's busy that day working on his boyfriend's new house that they'll be living in. Awe, how sweet. No, there's nothing wrong with him being happy, just the fact that he always "needed me" and wanted me there for moral support when his life was hell.. and when mine was? He just wanted to talk about himself. So now... when I needed him to talk to when my break-up happened... we couldn't talk because he was "upset that I wasn't there for him this winter when he really needed someone." He's "reevaluating" our friendship. I think the term "abuse of power" is more fitting than "friendship."

Ok. Enough of the drama. So what else is new? One week until my birthday... and my Aussie friend and I are still chatting every other day via email. There's a college in AU, ironically the one he attends, that accepts US financial aid. Looks like I could go back to school while being somewhere I like to be! I'm giving serious thought to it all now. It could be the start of a whole new wonderful life for me. Oh, and my Aussie friend and his boyfriend of 2 years are now separated. No, nothing I did. It's just a matter of money. My friend's broke and doesn't want to feel as if he's mooching off his boyfriend, so until he finished his schooling, my friend moved back home. But all is still well other than that.

Another odd thing happened to me this week. I was contacted by another Aussie who thinks I'm a hottie. LOL And he's a pro footballer (that's "soccer" to all you Americans... lol) He's the "hooker" for a team I will not disclose. I'm not sure what position that is, but it sounds a little "red light" to me. LOL Of course, he's married (figures) and quite a handsome guy... and my age (1 1/2 months younger) but it would end up like Tina Turner's song "Confidential" (actually written by the Pet Shop Boys for her... interesting factoid.) So who knows.... "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

Sunday, April 2, 2006

Have Your Cake And Eat It Too....

Well, this weekend has been an interesting one, to say the least.

My friend's boyfriend has been feeling completely frustrated with his job... or should I say the fact that he's the only one doing it. He was stressed and aggrivated when I was over Friday and Saturday, and I honestly can't blame him. The lower you are on the food chain, the more you get hit with. He's not doing anything wrong though... he's actually the only one doing things right. So now, he's at a bit of a crossroads... like me and everyone else I know. What happens next? What to do...? If only there were simple answers in life. But he's a complete sweetheart, so I hope whatever happens, it's what's best for him.

I'm in a bit of a dilemna myself and it's frustrating me to no end!!!! Ok, for those of you who don't know, my birthday is in two weeks. I don't want a traditional cake. I want something unique. Good plan, right? I thought so...

So, last night, I found the Holy Grail of cake pans. THE cake pan I want to use for my cake. So, what's the problem?? I only found it on 2 websites. One is in German and only ships inside Germany. The other is in English and French and does ship anywhere in the world... BUT... the cost of shipping AND the pan brings the grand total to about $70!!!!! It's not looking good. So, unless my want ad on eBay pulls through very soon, I'll be forced to have to create something freehand. And I'm a perfetionist, so I know I'll mess up and end up baking 20 cakes before I get it right. Oh, cruel twist of fate...

I finally remembered to set the clocks forward. Lovely.. one less hour! Time is definitely not on my side!!!

Friday, March 31, 2006

And The Plot Thickens.....

Well, thank goodness it's Friday!! (I thought I'd be PC for those of you whom aren't religious, or are atheist... LOL)

Work ended early, which shocked me after being told to expect a 5:00 day. So, I let the fact that the weather is miserable and wet slip out of my mind. I raced home to prepare for a movie night with my best friend... And to sneak a peek at my email, in case my Aussie friend had a chance to write...

Lo and behold, he did! And the question on my mind finally is resolved from his own words: he was "semi-serious" about marriage. Why would someone in a relationship ponder such a thing? He had three answers:
1) he would be helping out a "great guy who is keen on moving"
2) he would have a great friend close by, and
3) "when we're 81 and 86, we can say 'we've been in a civil union for 60 years'. LOL"
Actually, there is sort of a 4th... He wouldn't mind having dual citizenship....

So, I guess if the law passes, there's a high possibility I'd be finally fleeing the country... to escape Bush's America, as I tend to refer to it. Of course, there's a strong possibility the law will die, as some have here. It's not exactly a very popular law... but with England, Spain, Canada, and a few other European countries already allowing it, I think it has better chances than a law in the US would. Either way, it's an exciting prospect! But as my mother always pounded into my head, " don't count your chickens before they hatch." Wise advice I'm definitely heeding.

I went on a rather uneventful investigation yesterday. I still have over an hour of footage to review, but I doubt anything will show up on the tape. I didn't wear a coat because it was so warm, so after standing out in the wind for 2 hours, I was freezing cold. One of the girls lent me her blanket, so it helped.

So, my life is interesting and twisted.. Who knew??? But I do have a piece of advice for everyone who is reading all this and thinks it completely absurd: Life is a journey, with many twists and turns.. many forks in the road... many choices and decisions to make. When you reach the end and reflect on it all, will you be saying to yourself "there are so many things I wish I had done... If only..." or "That was an incredible experience! Sure, I didn't always make the right decisions, but I feel that I truly lived!"??

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Is That a Green Card in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Well, I feel rather happy today... Aside from being told to update this. LOL So much happening, but all on an internal level. On the exterior, my life is just about as boring as ever.

I'm still working on my writing, slowly and surely. I find that when I'm dead tired, the best ideas come to me... Probably because I can't tell myself that something isn't good enough because of the exhaustion.

I feel utterly happy today, even though my birthday approacheth. Turning 27, and still haven't earned a Pulitzer... How disappointing! I'm finally getting out for a paranormal investigation Thursday too... Dinner with a female friend beforehand, so it should prove to be a wonderful evening.

Ok, by now you're all ready for me to stop beating around the bush and mention why I'm so giddy. Ok, I'll spill. Most of you know how I've been dying to escape the States for most of my life. At 17, I had a plot to run off to Australia and start a new life. Reality set in, and I gave up on that dream. But a dear friend of mine in Canberra teased me a bit about it, and little does he know, I actually have been thinking along his lines...

He's a taken man, for starters, just so everyone knows. We're JUST friends. Yes, we each think the other is adorable, but we wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our friendship. So, what did he tease me about? Well, apparently, Australia is about to join the handful of other countries allowing for gay marriage. So, he said I should marry him to gain citizenship! LOL I've only been joking around about marrying a foreigner for a few months now, and saying that I knew of no one who would marry me like that. LOL Sure, it's not London, but I read a book on Australian history in high school, so I'm sure with a refresher course, I could pass any test. I've even known historical things that my Aussie friends didn't (like Tasmania once being called "Van Dyeman's (sp?) Land" (sorry for the grammatical error... It's only been 10 years since I read the book. LOL) This opens up a whole new can of worms.

Do I want to move out of Ohio? YES! Do I want to leave the country? YES! Do I know if it will happen? No. But the possibilities are endless. My only fear in this case would be falling for a taken man. But, still, I do have a few other friends in Australia, and I know of one that would date me in a heartbeat if I lived that close... I know, it sounds a bit sheisty. But how many marriages happen in this country just for a green card, without any form of caring or friendship bonding them together?

I know. I'm thinking way too far into this! LOL It's my lot in life to think about a possibility from start to finish. That's why they call me a dreamer. But without dreams, what are we? Stagnant bodies without motivation. And everyone needs some form of motivation... just as my fictitious characters do. If they have no drive or desire, they're as good as pencil shavings.

Saturday, March 4, 2006

Hope It Wasn't a Deposit Bottle...

Sorry it's been so long since my last post... I've been updating my livejournal instead at the request of a friend of mine.

Well, to bring everyone up to speed... two weeks ago, my boyfriend was drunk and high and dumped me. Simple enough, eh? Well, I stuck to it... til the weekend when I called him.

I know. Huge mistake.

He cried and begged.. so, against the better judgement of my friends (Thanks, guys.. I know.. I deserve better and need to cut the cord), I took him back on a trial basis. I told him if he can prove he wants this to work, then things would be fine.

So, that brings us to last night and today. Last night we had a wonderful dinner at Stancato's in Parma... and that's where the goodness ended. He got drunk. Then stoned when we arrived back at his home. I turned on Most Haunted. He turned it off. I turned it on. He burnt me on the cheek with his cigarette. A fight ensued. I stopped talking to him. Two strikes in one day.. not good.

Today, still not talking to him, he was upset. Then angry. Told me to go home, so I started to. Then he changed his mind. I told him I had it. I left anyway. He blew up at me. As I grabbed by bag and headed for the door, he threw a bottle of Gatorade at me. Then tried grabbing and physically fighting. I stepped out, trying to shut the door. He started following, then decided not to make himself look like an ass in front of the whole world. He threw the bottle out the door and told me never to call or see him again.

FINALLY! Yes... you can all sing "Hallelujah." LOL Well, with one exception... I forgot my cell phone charger there in my escape. Oops. I called his sister's girlfriend and left a message asking her to retrieve it for me... so we'll see. If not I'll just have to buy a new one this week. I'm sure within 2 weeks he'll contact me, crying and begging me back, but no. You don't hit me with a bottle of Gatorade and expect it all to be fine. At least have a little class.

Well, I'm free at last... still shaking from the experience, but I'll be fine in a little while... isn''t life always fascinating?

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Bush Knows Diddley

I know I haven't written in a long time. So sue me. I haven't been online too much!But I figured I'd start a running commentary again... since our "Fearless Leader" has given me some material to work with. So, to sum up his address...

"Blah, blah, blah" (remember, Georgie, articulate!)....Honestly, I think my brain fell asleep after the first few sentences. Beating around the bush (no pun intended) tends to exhaust my mind like that. The war is getting somewhere... then we'll leave, when they say we can.. "no politicians in Washington" should decide what to do with the war. Oh? That's news to me...

I found his talk of AIDS fascinating though, as if he's been flying Air Force One around, handing out medications in his spare time. "Partner for a better life"? We don't allow gay marriage and 6 other countries do. But wait... gay marriage means our culture is "in decline?" But that's ok... we have Intelligent Design to help us solve our moral dilemnas...

"America rejects... isolationism." Right. It shows.

Ok, he gave me a headache. Time to sleep and try to recover my sanity....