Saturday, November 27, 2004

Feeling Rather 'Un-Gay'

Ok, I have to admit it. I fess up.

I went shopping at Gap yesterday. But the pants were on sale!

Yes, I know... it's sad. I've considered myself very individual and against the grain, yet I shopped at Gap. And Calvin Klein this summer. Oh, the humanity!!

I don't know. Sometimes I just think I'm so un-gay. I don't go shopping all the time, don't wear the latest fashions... I can't tell you the latest albums from Madonna and Cher or what they ate for dinner last night while shopping in some big city. I don't live in a gloriously decorated place or go clubbing every night. I don't work out "just a bit" or "all the time" to have an incredible body.

But you know something? I want to. And i hate admitting that. Society and culture drag you in sometimes. I want to have that nice body, nice car, nice studio apartment,... nice boyfriend. I guess we all want that in some way. It's not about being "normal", it's about being accepted.

It's sad really that for so long being young, being gay was difficult in the way that so many of us were striving to be accepted by people. It seems now that it's not enough. You have to be the typical gay man to be accepted in a lot of gay scenes... then again, that's mainstream gay culture... so maybe that's because i'm not mainstream in an un-mainstream culture? Oy veh.... it's so confusing!!!

I guess I really do think too much!!

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