Save a Horse, Ride a Centaur...

More than a few of us have dated a jackass, but usually it's not something meant literally. Though to some, that idea just might be appealing. But in these instances, we hardly even consider the possibility that it could lead to a half-human newborn. It's simply impossible, right? Well, as bizarre as it may sound, some experts say that not only is it plausible, but it may be a real part of history for thousands of years.

In 2005, a study of approximately 5,000 rock paintings in South Africa and Australia dating as early as 30,000 BC by University of Cambridge anthropologist Christopher Chippendale and Dr. Paul Takon of the Australian Museum led the duo to a fascinating conclusion: primitive man lacked the imagination to paint what he could not see, therefore such creatures must have existed. In their new visualization of early man, our ancestors walked the earth alongside these half human beings, known collectively as therianthropes. They surmised that while the frequency and chance occurrence of such births would have been rare, the "beasts" from mythology most likely did exist.

The most famous examples come from Greek mythology. The centaur (from Ancient Greek Κένταυροι or Kéntauroi, meaning "piercing bull-stickers") was half-human, half-horse and is seen even today as an iconic image of mythical creatures, as well as the symbol of Sagittarius in astrology. Soldiers during ancient times would bring sheep and goats with them as both a source of food and sexual relief, since it was deemed less sinful than sleeping with a prostitute (my goodness, how times have changed). The Roman poet Juvenal even made mention that "Roman women often exposed their naked buttocks to tempt donkeys into sex contacts."

Well-respected scholars of the past, including the Italian lecturer and philosopher Fortunio Liceti, recorded several births of therianthropes (both born from humans and animals). Even in more recent history, mentions of half-human births were found in medical books of the 19th and 20th centuries. Although genetically-speaking, animals and humans vary only slightly, modern science held out for some time on the belief that interbreeding was even feasible, yet experiments are said to have resulted in successfully creating organisms with both human and animal cells.

So, could your next boyfriend be a centaur or girlfriend be the REAL cat-woman? Not very likely. Russian biologist Ilya Ivanovich Ivanov attempted such experiments during the 1920s and all his attempts were thwarted before his eventual exile to Almaty due to public outcry. Beastiality, even in the name of science, is seriously frowned upon by the general population. Yet who knows? Perhaps in some remote land, far from societal pressures and taboos, any one of us could very well find a four-legged, two armed man of our dreams who is quite literally hung like a horse.

Worrywart Occultists...

When we lack control over our lives, we seek out some form of structure to grasp. Apparently, this applies to beliefs in the supernatural.

Studies conducted at Illinois' Northwestern University have discovered a correlation between the level of stress someone feels and their beliefs in superstitious thoughts.

The findings were recently published in Science. Yet given the current state of affairs, some statements are hardly shocking: "On a national level, when times are economically uncertain, superstitions increase."

Half of the participants were asked to recall situations where they had no control over the outcome and reflect on the experience. They were then shown groupings of dots—some arranged in patterns, others randomly. While feeling under pressure, nearly 50% of stressed volunteers saw hidden images in the random patterns. This same group seemed to have a higher likelihood to believe in conspiracy theories and lucky objects.

Professor Jennifer Whitson of the University of Texas presided over the research. "People see false patterns in all types of data, imagining trends in stock markets, seeing faces in static, and detecting conspiracies between acquaintances," she said. "This suggests that lacking control leads to a visceral need for order – even imaginary order."

So, when we can't control something, we use our imagination. Sounds like politics to me...

No Signs of Intelligent Life Here...

Are aliens really out there?

Given the odds, it's more than likely that life does exist on other planets. But are they dimwits?

Stephen Hawking, the well-known astrophysicist, posed this question Monday during a lecture at George Washington University. "Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is very rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on earth."

This doesn't mean we shouldn't continue to explore space. Hawking compared space exploration to the voyages of Christopher Columbus. The benefits simply outweigh the risks. "Just think," he said, "we wouldn't have a Big Mac or KFC."

Who new he had a sense of humor?

Intelligent life is a relative term. Who is to say that we're not the idiots? Just because we can't detect "Zongregian Idol" being broadcast over the galaxies doesn't mean there couldn't be a life form out there with more sophisticated knowledge sending out messages that we have yet to comprehend.

To claim that we're the smartest creatures in existence is just as foolish as calling the Titanic "unsinkable". It's just begging to be proved wrong.

What We've All Been Waiting For...

It's a landmark day for paranormal investigators around the globe: we now have definitive proof that ghosts actually do exist.

Dr. Clarence Vuyaunte of Cornell University, a professor of physics, says that recent lab work has concluded that the paranormal realm is not only plausible to science but can be quantified by recent experiments in his Eschelmann Hall laboratory. A series of tests were conducted on an entity from a nearby undisclosed cemetery.

His deductions have astounded his colleagues. His findings are somewhat surprising as well:

-"Anti-energy" (similar to antimatter) is the basic component of entities.
-Power is derived from external sources, similar to machines.
-Ribbons of antimatter occur in some manifestations of "spirits", giving them a dark, shadowy appearance.
-Infrared and UV light occasionally captures the outer layer of antimatter from apparitions in cold, dry climates.
-Low levels of current carry the conscious mind of the deceased in a free-floating energy bundle.
-Film specially treated with a phenylalanine solution is best for recording actual phenomena.
-Our "souls" behave like energy waves which enables them to pass through matter.
-Objects are manipulated by entities through a combination of energy transference and antimatter bombardment.
-Light can sometimes be produced by entities. The color depends on the vibration and friction of correlating particles.
-Spirit "orbs" are a form of free energy radicals naturally occurring in the atmosphere.

There are still many trials to undergo, but the current results are very promising. Vuyaunte believes he will be able to publish all of his results later this year.

Oh... and have a great April Fools Day everyone...