It's a landmark day for paranormal investigators around the globe: we now have definitive proof that ghosts actually do exist.
Dr. Clarence Vuyaunte of Cornell University, a professor of physics, says that recent lab work has concluded that the paranormal realm is not only plausible to science but can be quantified by recent experiments in his Eschelmann Hall laboratory. A series of tests were conducted on an entity from a nearby undisclosed cemetery.
His deductions have astounded his colleagues. His findings are somewhat surprising as well:
-"Anti-energy" (similar to antimatter) is the basic component of entities.
-Power is derived from external sources, similar to machines.
-Ribbons of antimatter occur in some manifestations of "spirits", giving them a dark, shadowy appearance.
-Infrared and UV light occasionally captures the outer layer of antimatter from apparitions in cold, dry climates.
-Low levels of current carry the conscious mind of the deceased in a free-floating energy bundle.
-Film specially treated with a phenylalanine solution is best for recording actual phenomena.
-Our "souls" behave like energy waves which enables them to pass through matter.
-Objects are manipulated by entities through a combination of energy transference and antimatter bombardment.
-Light can sometimes be produced by entities. The color depends on the vibration and friction of correlating particles.
-Spirit "orbs" are a form of free energy radicals naturally occurring in the atmosphere.
There are still many trials to undergo, but the current results are very promising. Vuyaunte believes he will be able to publish all of his results later this year.
Oh... and have a great April Fools Day everyone...