Ok... it's been a long time since my last post, and a very insane month to boot. Obviously, I'm not going to mention every last detail of the past few weeks because there's too much for one entry, but I'll mention bits and pieces and backdate some entries I wrote over the past few weeks.
Life is good though. I quit smoking.... theoretically, at least! I went 3 weeks without a cigarette, and was fine until tuesday when my boyfriend came clean and told me he cheated on me with a straight guy at a bar when he was trashed. Some people might think I'm insane for it, but I didn't dump him. We talked about it. I understand his wraped rationale for why he did what he did. No, it doesn't make it right, but it doesn't make it go away either. I was crushed. But we're all human. We all make mistakes in momentary lapses of intelligence. I love the guy. Simply put.
It's interesting to know what love does to you sometimes. Times you always say "I'd kill the SOB" seem to go over differently than you'd expect. Sometimes, you just have to forgive people for doing some things and move on. Dwelling on the wrongs you've done to eachother is unproductive and childish. A drunken night of seduction is just as amusing as flying steak knives in some ways. We all do things we wouldn't normally do sometimes.
I guess I realized I don't hold any grudges against anyone anymore. Life's too short for prolonged catfights and tantrums. So the old roommate and you had a fight and resorted to namecalling. So your old boyfriend played headgames with you long after you broke up and he went back to the military. So you kept a few key things of an old flames and considered blackmailing him with them. So you moved and left material objects behind you'll never see again. So WHAT? The point is we'll never fully understand other people or ourselves. Everything that happens in life is meant to teach you something. Those who learn from them go somewhere with their lives. Those who sit in their little world and fester like some sore never become anything other than what they always have been... which in reality isn't much of anything.
Live life, enjoy what you have, become what you dream of, and forgive others as well as yourself. You'd be amazed how far a little kindness can go in a world of competition and vanity.