Life has a way of keeping you on your toes. You never quite know just what will come next. In my own life, I often find myself at crossroads with decisions and choices immediately ahead of me. There is little time to think or react, and once a path is chosen even more forks in the road are right beyond that point. It's a world where we have to make split-second decisions on matters that require more thought than a fleeting glance. Take a breath. Decide. Hope for the best.
One of two things are possible for me in the coming months. Either a) a whole lot of nothing will change and the stagnancy will remain; or b) my entire life is going to be severely altered in one immense upheaval and I will find myself surrounded by uncertainty and unfamiliar everything. Neither presents itself as a comfortable prospect. I hate being in a situation where I have no clue what is on the horizon just as much as I loathe living a dull, uneventful life. I'm terrified, confused, and on mental overload.
Last year, I experienced a lot of frightening and abrupt changes from the normal routine. I journeyed to far-away places to see what good could come from it. I met wonderful people along the way and while I felt great trepidation on my travels, things were pleasant in reflection. I poked my head out of my safe-but-tiresome surroundings for the first time in a great while. It was worth it every time. But now I see it was merely a testing ground for my willingness to take broad steps outside the familiar. I rode around the block by myself without training wheels. Now, I look ahead and see the vast landscape ahead, a wild oblivion of streets and rolling hills, as the pit of my stomach does a backflip while I contemplate a greater voyage.
So, if I fail to write too much in the near future, know that part of the time is spent immersed in a new book I'm working on... and the rest of the time is paralyzed by the fears and decisions rushing up on me faster than I'd care to think about. I always say that I don't want to lead a dull existence, that I want my life to be interesting and meaningful and adventurous. Now that certain things are right in front of my face, however, I have to decide if I can practice what I preach... or if my own phobias and worries will stop me in my tracks before taking a single step.