Saturday, November 27, 2004

Feeling Rather 'Un-Gay'

Ok, I have to admit it. I fess up.

I went shopping at Gap yesterday. But the pants were on sale!

Yes, I know... it's sad. I've considered myself very individual and against the grain, yet I shopped at Gap. And Calvin Klein this summer. Oh, the humanity!!

I don't know. Sometimes I just think I'm so un-gay. I don't go shopping all the time, don't wear the latest fashions... I can't tell you the latest albums from Madonna and Cher or what they ate for dinner last night while shopping in some big city. I don't live in a gloriously decorated place or go clubbing every night. I don't work out "just a bit" or "all the time" to have an incredible body.

But you know something? I want to. And i hate admitting that. Society and culture drag you in sometimes. I want to have that nice body, nice car, nice studio apartment,... nice boyfriend. I guess we all want that in some way. It's not about being "normal", it's about being accepted.

It's sad really that for so long being young, being gay was difficult in the way that so many of us were striving to be accepted by people. It seems now that it's not enough. You have to be the typical gay man to be accepted in a lot of gay scenes... then again, that's mainstream gay culture... so maybe that's because i'm not mainstream in an un-mainstream culture? Oy veh.... it's so confusing!!!

I guess I really do think too much!!

Mirror Balls, Spinning Around... Why Won't It Just Stop???

Ok, yes, I know... I've been gone for far too long. Here's the past few months in a nutshell:

Akron didn't work out too well. Friend decided to move out of state. I decided to move with him. Moved to Shreveport, Louisiana. Couldn't find a job and was always broke. Happy, yet not happy. Two months into the move, I decided to move back to work on my writing. Took Amtrak back on Halloween. Moved back home. Started my old job.

Brief synopsis, I know, but it's waaay too complex to get into all details, but back to my old life. Working on building good friendships, possibly going on a few dates here and there...

Some things never change though. My former best friend is still being a dickwad. I haven't seen him since just before I left. But that's ok, he's getting his. I'm writing a screenplay now that I hope to have finished in less than a week (well, first draft at least) and he's in it... being shown for who he is. I've mentioned to friends ideas for screenplays in the past, but this is completely different than any of them. It just came to me one day and i started writing. The ending is still up in the air, but i think it could turn into a damn good movie. Well, we shall see...

Ok, back to waking up after getting a good sleep for the first tiME in a week! I'll start updating more often... I think. :-p