Another Year Closer to Death...

It has finally happened. Today is my 30th birthday!

Thanks to some wise planning, I'm taking it easy today. Though I do have a few things to accomplish, like moving furniture (long story) and packing for the camping trip coming up later this week. Otherwise, I'm relaxing. I'll be catching up on Sunday when I return from the haunted Beaver Creek State Park.

Light at the End of the Week's Tunnel...

Training Day 3: Now that most of the information thrown at us has been digested, things are getting easier. I actually left in good spirits today without that dread of going back. Sure, there isn't any health care or special favors coming out of it, but it's employment. Flexible schedule too. Since everything is going smoothly, I'll be starting my assignments on Friday.

I was worried how Friday was going to work out. I have plans in the evening, so there's a lot to try to accomplish in one day. And being the late bloomer I am, a few birthday presents are scheduled to arrive that day. At least now I know I'll have time to wrap them! I always worry about getting something someone already has, but I hope that my unique eye avoids any duplicates. If not, well... I gave it my best.

Because of Friday's schedule, I'm thinking I won't quite reach 40 hours for the week. But I'll try to get as close as possible. This month is a bit of a nightmare with schedule overlaps, but I'll be getting full paychecks probably next month, if all goes well. Then, they're talking about assignments during the summer and into the fall. It might not be regular work each week, but it'll be a heck of a lot better than being an unemployable non-ape.

For now, I'll just be happy for what I can get. After all, it means that come autumn, that vacation I've been talking about taking should be a sure thing. After so many years without a break from Ohio, I sure could use the travel time.

To Sleep Perchance to Dream...

I am officially old.

Last night was Evelyn's birthday outing. We went over to Bill's house to meet up and wait for everyone. We made an 8:00 PM reservation at Union Station for food and drinks and killed time waiting for the other half of the gang. At 7:45, we learned that they were still in the Akron area, just heading over to pick up another person. Instead of changing the reservation to 10:00 PM, we opted to head over and let them find their way there.

I was hyped up on coffee and enjoyed myself for most of the evening. Everyone else arrived around 9:30. I went to have a cigarette with one of the psychics from the ghost group. During our brief discussion, she said,"You don't realize how well your books are going to do... how well they'll sell." Perhaps she's right. Yet a few other discussed topics felt a bit like a mistake. Perhaps that marked the downward spiral of my evening.

11:00 PM rolled around. We headed into Bounce Nightclub next door to watch a drag show. People danced. I watched and waited. The show was rather entertaining and unpredictable, but I will say I was glad when it was over.

12:15 AM... everyone's still dancing. As 1:00 approached, I went back over to Union Station with Bill's friend Dolly. The music had been bothering me for a while (possibly because our seating was the speakers and you could literally feel every thump of the base in your stomach). We escaped the deafening thunder and blinding lights for a crowd of drunken people in a noisy-but-quieter atmosphere. Finally, it was time to head back to Bills to adjourn for the evening.

We sat on Bill's enclosed porch and talked. And talked. And talked. 2:00 AM passed. I was exhausted. The Zombie Children from the Land of No Sleep carried on. A few jokes passed at my own expense, but I was too tired to reply, much less care. Finally at 4:00 AM, the group decided it might be nice to take everyone home and get some sleep.

I stepped into my room shortly before 5:00 AM, kicked off my shoes, threw off my coat, and collapsed in a heap on my bed.

I had been awake for 22 hours.

I've learned to value sleep. A normal human requires 7-8 hours of sleep to maintain good health. In that respect, I'm normal. I'm not 17 anymore and can't party all night and jump into action in the morning (not that I ever did that when I was 17 anyway).

I awoke at 2:00 PM today, sore all over... perhaps a little from my tough, short massage from Evelyn. She said I was tense... yet somehow having my back muscles jabbed and prodded didn't quite relieve it. My head also hurts, but not from a hangover (I didn't drink hardly at all and stopped by 9:30 PM). It's simply from the sleep pattern being shifted once more to an absurd arrangement. The weather is a miserable drizzle, which only makes me feel twice as exhausted.

Oh well... on to the rest of the weekend...

The (After)Life of the Party...

Another long weekend draws to a close.

Yesterday was the party at Chris' house. As we relaxed with some Heineken, the guests slowly arrived. Pizza, cookies, and snack food were devoured. Games were played. Laughter and good humor were openly shared. And there was cake too!

Apparently, a few people felt that my isolated mood was brought on by my quiet birthday. Though I did enjoy the company of Evelyn and Bill tremendously, I would have liked seeing everyone else. Still, I knew that nothing ever works out to plan. Though the frozen ice cream cake definitely did life my spirits... I won't lie! Even after 10 days of being 29, I didn't mind the remembrance. A few issues and thoughts were hammered out and cleared up, making the mood far brighter than it has been in a while. Seeing many faces of the paranormal group definitely helps boost the camaraderie.

After a late night and a miscalculation in temperature which brought me inside around 4:00 AM (note to self: sleeping on a screened porch isn't wise this early in Ohio), we awoke very early for a comatose breakfast. We all went home to prepare for the other party. I showered, baked oatmeal cookies, and brewed some iced tea before joining Evelyn, her husband, and her son to a friend's house for her son's birthday.

I'll admit, he is full of energy! And he also seems to know how to push buttons very well, but I thought he was a nice boy. Perhaps a little eager for attention, but deep down a good seed. We dined on more pizza and snacks before heading out for some mock battles with padded "swords" (I only watched... especially seeing how forceful her son was!). We made it back for more ice cream cake (chocolate this time) and chatted for a while before we had to leave. Some people had prior plans and many of us were exhausted from the whirlwind of a weekend. I must remember to tell Ben there's no need to be so formal. After 5 years or so, I think we're past handshakes. I'll get a hug some time!

I'm in a chipper mood, though feeling a tad bit old from the fifteenth birthday party. Now more than ever, I'm noticing a bit more of the generation gap. Though I don't feel "old", I know I'm not young anymore! Just realizing that many celebrities I recall are lost on teenagers now makes my age show a little more. Then again, I was familiar with comedians, actors and singers from many generations before my own, so I feel ten times older then the average 29-year-old!

Tonight is an early night for me. I'll get a few things finished and get to sleep well before midnight. Another sign of old age: not being able to stay up late.

Yes, it won't be long now before I'm sitting on that rocking chair on a porch, yelling at the neighborhood ankle-biters for playing on the grass.

Senility, here I come!

All News is Good News...

So it's been a good week thus far.

Last night, Bill kidnapped me for some pizza and television at his house. Evelyn joined us for a good evening... she was even a good enough sport to suffer through the pilot episode of Dante's Cove! We watched American Idol, which is something I rarely do. I've been on this "no television" kick for a long time. Partially it's because I never remember when anything is on anymore!

I came home and crashed without checking my email. This morning I heard from a gay filmmaker who I will be blogging about more in the future. Hopefully his pointers will help me get somewhere with my one script. I'm remaining optimistic about it.

Other than that, I'll be returning to my odd news blog posts soon too. I have several things to write but it may take me a little while to get them all down on here. Plus, I was featured on LGBT Bloggers yesterday (er, today technically... since Australian Eastern Standard Time is 14 hours ahead of ours). Another pleasant surprise from a nice-enough bloke...

One Foot Closer to the Grave...

Today, I turned 29.

It has been a decent day thus far. The weather is more pleasant than anticipated by the local news, much to my surprise. I spent part of the morning renewing my state identification, just so Homeland Security won't pester me about having 'my papers'. And so I begin my slow approach to 30, without the risk of being arrested for a lack of identification...

...and unfortunately, without a cake or a stripper... lol

I still don't quite feel older. Then again, I don't necessarily act it either. Most birthdays for me have just been another day. It's not that I'm against the celebratory aspect (sometimes, I seriously am amazed that I've survived life this long), but when you have friends spread out far and wide, one big party just isn't entirely possible.

So far, my life has been interesting... at times tumultuous. Though I often believe I'm boring, I have accomplished much in the past decade. I have been to London; visited Paris twice (though the second time was almost kicking and screaming). I have lived in several cities (including Shreveport, Louisiana) with rather interesting people. I have been on local news several times (and no, not for anything illegal). I inadvertently slept with a celebrity. I wrote and published a book. And above all else, I have made some incredibly wonderful friends along the way.

Of course, it hasn't all been pleasant. The failed suicide attempt years ago which should have killed me. A horrible car accident which I walked away from unscathed. Being on TWA Flight 800 not long before it exploded on takeoff. The loss of a friend to suicide. Losing almost everything I owned twice by moving to a different location. A handful of heartbreaks.

There have been many instances which could have turned me permanently bitter, yet I haven't allowed them. I may rant and rave about life, society, and people, but I still remain optimistic and hopeful.

Where will the coming decade take me? It's uncertain though I do have goals: to see a film I've written made into a movie, to write a few more books, to spend time in Australia and maybe, just maybe, gain citizenship. Most importantly, to live life to its fullest.

The Cajuns are wise people: they cry when you are born to acknowledge all the pain and grief awaiting you throughout life; your funeral is cause for celebration, rejoicing your accomplishments and newfound freedom from worldly burdens. Life is tough. And sometimes we are fortunate just to see tomorrow.

Muted Moods and Evenings Out...

I'm beginning to realize that we must be going through a global depression/apathy. Everyone I talk to is feeling "under the weather" in some form. I think humanity is beginning to shut down because of everything happening in the world today. Most of us are tired, down, and just over everything... and that seemed to almost be the theme for the weekend.

Friday's banquet was okay. I tripped over a light on the floor shortly after entering the room, which should have been a sign. Most of the people spent the whole time complaining about the food, lack of prises, and everything else they could find fault in. While outside trying to unwind with a cigarette, I had a conversation with the owner of the bowling lanes. He served time in the Gulf War and had been through a lot in life... and even he was frustrated by the crankiness in the room. He said that while in Iraq, a friend of his died in front of him. His last words were, "Fuck it, guys. I had a great time with all of you."

Definitely words to live by. Have fun with life... The rest of the bad things and drama really aren't that important.

Saturday, Bill and I had a semi-late breakfast of quiche and hash browns, followed by a long vegetation in front of the television. We both felt like sleeping all day. Maybe it was the dreary weather or something else. Evelyn arrived and we put up a little bit of wallpaper border in the enclosed porch before returning to the living room and awaiting the concert.

The theme for the concert was "Hollywood"... ironically the same theme for the banquet the previous evening. We heard music from Les Miserables, Fiddler On the Roof, Titanic, The Wizard of Oz, and many others. They may not be the Boston Orchestra, but they give it their all. I recognized much of the music and enjoyed myself nonetheless.

Afterward, Bill and Evelyn took me out to dinner. We were all a bit famished and made a good time of it. being the cheap date that I am, I had a big hamburger... with coffee to try to feel less catatonic (it didn't quite work). For the first time in what seems like forever, I actually had desert as well: vanilla bean cheesecake. With a strawberry... so part of it was healthy!

We returned to Bill's house to watch "Girls Will Be Girls" before calling it an abbreviated weekend. I made it home around 1:00 AM and managed to finally fall asleep a few hours later. I slept away the morning and still feel exhausted.

The sky is a disheartening blue-gray and the dampness in the air makes my eyelids feel like lead weights. 'Tis the season for this sort of weather, though... and in Ohio the sun never seems to be a given. I would read, but the two book choices I have aren't very cheerful. I'm not quite in the mood for a movie either.

It's just a sign of the times, I guess...

Even Ghost Hunters Get the Blues...

I don't know why, but lately I've just been feeling a bit funky. Not in some 70s disco-type manner, either. Just sort of 'eh'. Listless. Frustrated. Irritable.

One possible cause would be my birthday. In exactly one week, I turn 29. My Thirties are looming on the horizon and that "christ-I-haven't-accomplished-hardly-any-goals" depressive mindset is sneaking up again. It'll be another day, like most others. Little fanfare. Cruddy weather. I think what makes this one more poignant to me is my former friend, Chris. He committed suicide 16 days after his 29th birthday. Whoever said that your 20s is the best part of your life was obviously in a drunken stupor through them all. Though they haven't all been bad, April 15th means that chaotic decade of my life is almost at an end.

Secondly, I've once again been on the push to quit smoking. An absence of nicotine makes for irritability. I haven't quit outright, knowing what a nightmare I would be while going through withdrawal, but I have cut very far down. I'm averaging between 4 and 6 cigarettes a day... down from 20-25. I started almost 8 years ago. No, it wasn't "peer pressure"... simply curiosity. Now, I can't stand the habit, but I hate chewing any gum, let along nicotine gum. The patch makes you reek of ammonia... the nicotine water is ridiculously expensive and difficult to find. Medicines? Forget that. Even more absurdly priced. It's sad that they want people to quit but make all means of quitting outrageously expensive!

Lastly, I've been thinking back to my earlier college days of "finding myself". During these times, I'd go on my own version of a Walkabout, crossing the country and trying to figure out where my places in the world was. I traveled far and wide... and it made me feel alive. Meeting new people, seeing new places... I've never been content with limiting my world to my own back yard. Yet, for the last 4 years, that's basically what I have done. I feel disgustingly stagnant. Trapped. Lost. I'm still searching for that life I've always wanted, even if I ever find out exactly what it is. I want that average, relatively-normal relationship... the feeling of making an impact on the world... "living the right life."

This year is proving to be one of the most chaotic and unpredictable I've ever had. In the coming 8 1/2 months, I'm still trying to keep optimistic about the progress with everything. Still, there are times when even I have my doubts.

Blame it on planetary alignment or not doing enough to facilitate change. Either way, I'm hoping for a new awakening and enlightenment soon...

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!

This past weekend was a very busy time for me. Although today is the official day, Saturday night is when I gathered with friends to celebrate my friend Chris' birthday.

I arrived Friday afternoon to help Bill clean and set up for the surprise party. Since the weather was decent enough, I painted most of the enclosed porch as well. I decided against finishing it Saturday morning, just on the outside chance some paint might still be wet when guests arrived. That night, I set up streamers and arranged seating for everyone before finally getting some rest.

Saturday, I did some baking early in the day, hoping the scent of chocolate chip cookies would disperse before evening. I cleaned the kitchen and living room before relaxing with a movie. Natasha and Robin arrived in time to help blow up balloons and hang them and we killed time chatting about the paranormal. Slowly, people started to arrive... just in time to quietly wait for Chris to come into the room.

It was a pleasant surprise for him, though the night seemed to pass too quickly. There was food, drink, music and a game of Apples to Apples before midnight passed. The night ended with a movie and fond farewells. But the celebrating isn't quite over yet: this weekend we're having dinner with those who couldn't make it this past weekend.

It was a bit exhausting but worth all the effort. Sometimes, our friends need a visible example of our appreciation and care. He's a wonderful man and a true friend. No matter if he's being serious, goofy, or simply being a good sport and posing for an odd picture, he's always great company.

Happy Birthday, Chris. I hope it's a great week for you!

It's Not Officially a Party Until...

Another crazy and interesting night gone.

Last night was a surprise birthday party for a psychic friend. Believe me, it's no small feat to surprise a psychic! She had a feeling that something was up, but we convinced her she was wrong for at least 25 minutes. Not too bad, I must say.

There was pizza, games, and tons of laughter. We can be an odd bunch at times. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, even if some of the biggest laughs were at the expense of others. Nothing too vicious, mind you. But who can't laugh when margarita comes out someone's nose?

After watching the new episode of Paranormal State, we decided to take some photographs for the ghost hunting website. Some people were picky about their photos, others could care less. Of course, being tall, I suggested getting down on my knees to make it easier. My friend Bill had to make a snide comment about that... but we all laughed at the irony. I even caught a chuckle coming from the quiet straight man/pro wrestler in the corner of the room. I couldn't tell if he blushed... he's too tan!

A few group photos were taken on the couch, as well as a comedic picture of Bill, Chris, and I pretending to be a flamboyant gay ghost-hunting trio. I would post it here, but I'm still waiting to get a copy... perhaps that will be another entry later this week when I have nothing of any consequence to say...

The evening finally wrapped up around midnight. We all headed for home, exhausted. I checked email one final time and curled up in bed.

I still have much to accomplish today. Either I'm insanely busy or bored to tears. Everything should slow down by the weekend, and I'm actually looking forward to the peace and quiet...

Bake Me a Cake as Fast as You Can...

They say it's the thought that counts.

When you're a perfectionist, little things like that are worse than a mosquito buzzing in your ear.

I should have learned my lesson from Chef Duff at Charm City Cakes: buy pre-made frosting. But no, silly me... I ignore the negative reviews of the recipe and charge forth. The cake itself came out wonderfully. Making the rolled fondant frosting last night instead of today? Well, that was a bad decision. As was using all the powdered sugar called for. And substituting simple syrup for corn syrup. And trying to be different and unique instead of simple and plain.

Still, with the hours of aggrivation, I will admit it does look like it's intended replication. I still have 5 more hours to worry about a few small details. I don't foresee any major disasters, though they wouldn't surprise me. Still, it's just cake. All that matters is that it tastes good and shows some thought and care. After a few cocktails, everything looks better anyway, right?

In about 7 hours, all will be forgotten. The cake will be a devoured pile of crumbs and a memory to laugh about. After all, it really is the thought that counts, right?

Happy birthday, Bill. I hope it's one of the best ones yet!