Some Things are Better Buried...

Another long week is drawing to an end and is heading into a bit of a busy weekend. Finally, my library talk on Australian ghost stories and legends went off without too many hitches on Tuesday. I did enjoy the experience and everyone seemed to enjoy both the presentation and prizes, yet for many reasons I'm just glad I can toss everything back in a box and forget about it.

Now that's not to say I suddenly dislike Australia or have anything against the country. That's certainly not the case. But after a few events earlier this year, the last thing I wanted to do was reflect more on my trip and dust off my box of brochures from my various adventures. I guess you could say there were some bittersweet experience in the months following my big trip. Those fun trust issues I can have from time to time were brought forth in the most severe way yet. I would even hazard to say that the events of this year have permanently altered me. Whether it's for the worse or better is still up in the air.

Normally, I'm a very lax person when it comes to getting over petty disagreements or situations, but there are always exceptions to the rule. I'm not one to hold a permanent grudge on most matters and I've gotten over a good many things over the years (and amazed some friends and exes at how forgiving I can be sometimes). That doesn't mean I always make nice, though. Sometimes, a string of events, behaviors, and issues connect into one big ball of bile that taints something so strongly that you have to either lock it all in some trunk to be shoved between empty rafters in the far recesses of the subconscious... or let it make you bitter.

Bitterness can be a tough thing to shake, but I prefer blocking things out over becoming a grumpy old man.

A lot of people who know and have met me have realized I can appear tranquil on the surface while there's a hurricane going on inside me. I can smile and be friendly with just about anyone—even if I can't stand them—and at other times, that extreme shyness I've battled most of my life can downright paralyze me (yes, even lead me to have a cocktail too many in a social situation to calm my nerves, which usually leads to even more shyness since I don't want to sound like an idiot by opening my mouth with liquor in my system). I can be a very complicated and hard-to-understand individual. And with that, there are plenty of faults which come with the territory. But I do believe in giving people benefit of a doubt. I also have come to expect the same in return; it just doesn't always work out like that.

There's a quote that I love, often attributed to Einstein, which seems to pinpoint the source of so much of my disappointment and bad experiences: “Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.” Sometimes, this stupidity can be downright hilarious. At other times, though, it can be the source of anger, frustration, sadness, or any one of a number of negative emotions. Too often lately, it's been the latter instead of the former. I have to work on bringing the balance back in favor of laughing at all things stupid instead of wishing it were some terminal illness.

In a lot of ways, my inner turmoil has been one of my biggest writing blocks this year. In previous years, being busy with adventure has kept me from getting much written. Having an emotional battle raging through my mind and body might be vastly different, but it produces the same effect. Hopefully, I'll tackle some of this baggage and depression and get things sorted out in time to start some new projects. One thing we can't change is the past; but we can stop looking over our shoulder and focus more on the journey ahead. At this pinnacle in time, I honestly can't say where the next ten years of my life will take me or even where I'll be at the end of it. Hopefully, there will be some more interesting books and projects woven in with the madness. I have ideas in my head and a few good people I consider friends still in my life. Hopefully I'll bring those back to the foreground soon, get back to actively writing more, and start back at making my life an eye-opening, awe-inspiring experience instead of something to cringe at.

The Ghost of 2010...

The Christmas holiday season has once more come to an end as another year slowly fades away. Following the excitement-filled trip earlier this month, my actual holiday was extremely subdued. In Victorian times, Christmas (not Halloween) was a time to tell ghost stories. While I did pass some of the 25th reading about haunted places, there was a larger shadow looming over the day. The ghost of 2010.

Everyone is haunted. It may not be my a specter making its presence known in your house or workplace, or even a chance encounter somewhere in the world. It's the memories of what we have and haven't done which can keep us awake at night or bring a smile to our faces seemingly for no reason at all. For me 2010 was yet another tumultuous year or changes, experiences, and chances. I've looked out across the Pacific from both sides. I've pushed myself to achieve and let fear come in the way of new possibilities. I set out to fulfill a few dreams and didn't let anything stop me. And I've closed a few doors that were necessary for my own well-being. It's hard to fathom everything that has happened. In the past two years I've felt more alive than I allowed myself to be for quite some time.

As always, there are some regrets. A life lived without any regret is nearly impossible. Everything we do requires making decisions and choosing one path over another. Unless we settle into a mundane, constant routine without wavering even the slightest bit life is a journey not an observation. The more we forge ahead and blaze new trails, the more frightening and uncertain it becomes. I made a decision that my life should be an exploration fraught with challenges and new experiences. Not every one has been pleasant but I wouldn't change my decisions for the world. It's an indescribable feeling to be in a situation you've played out in thoughts and imagination many times and think, "Wait a minute. This is really happening. Wow."

Already, 2011 is going to be another year of continued growth and adventure. In just a few more weeks I'm starting back at my old university, finally taking steps toward a degree I've postponed for so many years now. And in my mind I have tentative travel plans to a few selected places, some of which will hopefully happen. Travel is one of my biggest driving forces in life. It's not enough to sit back and read about the world. I want to engulf my senses in foreign lands, dine with the natives, and absorb everything imaginable. Even with the paranormal I need to see, feel, and hear the sounds of those places that for so long have been notes scribbled on paper or flat photographs on a screen.

If I have one wish for 2011 it's that more people do the same. Yes, these are uncertain times for many of us. Life can become a challenge just living day to day. But nothing is impossible. With enough desire and creative calculations, all of us can make small steps at making our lives exactly what we want them to be. Dreams aren't just silly thoughts to be cast aside or ground out by harsh realities. They are points on a map that require careful navigations. No ambition is too silly or absurd. Often the biggest obstacle for us is believing others when they tell us our dreams are impossible, stupid, or unrealistic. Doubt is a powerful force. And too often it leads to stagnation and forfeiture.

We can learn a lot about life from the lives of those who passed away and perhaps even haunt the buildings and houses in your neighborhood. Great things have been accomplished by people we've never even heard of. Not every ghost story is a lamentable tale of regret or self-imprisonment. Some spirits have lived more than we could ever imagine. Don't allow the dead to have more life than you. Remember that where you are is only the smallest speck on a huge sphere whirling around at 600 mph. There's so much life out there, so much to interact with. Don't wait for life to come to you. It's all around, waiting for you to take notice.

Occult of Personality...

Again, a great amount of time has lapsed since I've taken the time to write. Being back in Ohio has been an interesting experience, to say the least. There have been some good moments which have made me realize what I missed... and more than enough situations which made me think, "Seriously... what was I thinking coming back here? I'd have been better off leaving the Cleveland area a distant memory only seen through a television show!" What little time I've had between returning to mundane day work and battling my ever-determined pursuit of a life free of drama, I'm often too exhausted to think about any long posts... or even find odd news to share with the world. This past weekend was my unpacking-and-getting-my-place-looking-livable days so I feel somewhat more comfortable stepping into a bedroom free of boxes, piles of paperwork, and half-finished projects. But it never ends. Life can be a little overwhelming at times.

Then I asked myself why I neglect my blog as much as I do. And I was surprised to find that I had an answer: change. A decade ago (and even a few mere years ago for that matter) there was so much amusement and enjoyment for me in dealing with the paranormal. It was actually fun more times than not. Investigations were mini adventures with kindred spirits. The Cuyahoga Valley was that magical place I spent my teenage years and some of my happiest memories. There were the occasional bad days but as a whole the journey was a pleasant one.

Then... life changed.

I started looking beyond my own back yard to find places and hauntings, which led to a broader world view and the realization that there is so much life (and death) out there I wasn't exploring. My life went through a series of changes and alterations, each one shifting my perspective and awareness. I began to meet new people, some of whom have become truly wonderful friends and associates. But most of all, the fun frolics turned into contests and drama became the mainstay of that once sleepy hamlet in which I live.

Anyone who watches paranormal television knows there are always behind-the-scenes dramas playing out in paranormal groups and organizations. They just never quite capture the entirety of it in a 30- or 60-minute time slot. Rivalries are rampant and the main reason that advancement NEVER actually happens in the field. It's always about who has the better photograph, who went inside the coolest locale, or what group has the most friends on MySpace or Facebook. It's not about the paranormal, it's about popularity. Who gets to be the regional diva? How do I get the world to notice ME?

So many people want to be famous. Image takes over and obliterates anything else standing in its way. It comes in the form of amassing huge amounts of mediocre-at-best photos and EVPs or distancing yourself from people who aren't a carbon copy of your particular "vision". Really important things like honesty, acceptance, cooperation, and camaraderie are lost in the dust. It's the next Amazing Race or Big Brother. Who can climb their way to the top first and win the grand prize?

The reality is there is no prize. No blue ribbon for hippest spook seeker. No trophy for the best-dressed investigation team. At the end of the day you haven't transformed into Oprah Winfrey. I'm sure some people might say, "HA! But Ken, you wrote Queer Hauntings! Aren't you in it for fame and fortune too, you hypocrite?" The honest answer is no. I don't write to find my name on the New York Times Best Sellers list. I don't to signings and lectures to appease some deep-rooted starvation for affection and admiration. I write about what I find interesting and what I enjoy. I write and do talks to share what I learn with others and to educate people. If I have one person walk up to me and say, "I just wanted to say thank you. You opened my eyes up to a whole new world," then I've succeeded in doing what I set out to do: to make people think.

You might think from all of this that I now hate the paranormal or have banished the whole thing from my mind and life, but that's not the case. I still enjoy the strange and unusual tales and places found in the tiniest recesses of our vast, incredible home called Earth. I love a good ghost story and the history of people, towns, streets, waterways, and buildings. But the mob mentality that comes with being mainstream? That's just not for me. I spent a large portion of my childhood trying to figure out who I was. Another chunk of my years was spent learning to allow myself to be who I was. I'm finally getting to the point where I feel no shame or guilt about being me. My individuality is not negotiable nor will I sell it out to the highest bidder. And being the unique person that I am, I'm entitled to being respected by others for my own originality. I don't ask other people to march in my footsteps (though it has happened in the past on a few occasions). I expect the same decency in return.

Paranormal studies are an examination of freaks. In one sense of another, everything from ghosts to UFOs to bigfoot are freakishly bizarre by their very nature. And those of us in the field can often be described as so as well. But there is nothing wrong with being an oddity, an anomaly. It shows resistance to conformity, the daily battle we all face between who we are and what society wants us to be. If you can honestly say you are truly your own person and unbending to the social and societal waves pummeling you each and every day then give yourself a pat on the back. And remember: you're the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life... and quite possibly beyond that...

Crawling Out from Under...

October is finally over. And somehow, I managed to survive. Sure, I slept away the entire first day of November, but my body was trying to tell me something, aside from all these aches, pains, and utter exhaustion that still floods over me. I feel as though I've been thrown in a washing machine with a few dozen boulders. And my throat feels like I tried swallowing a grapefruit.

Boy, you're probably thinking, sounds like he sure had a fun Halloween! If only that were so. If fun involves being too exhausted to focus energy on anything for more than 5 minutes, trying to nap and failing miserably, battling the cold weather of Ohio, watching as half the people you know face automobile problems, and ending it with phone calls to police and hospitals, panicked that a family member has been in a serious accident (or possibly dead)... then, and only then, would I say yes, it was fun.

That does make it sound like I had the worst month ever, though. And I can't say that. I've met and spoke with wonderful people, traveled extensively, made new friends and contacts, and found a few times to smile and laugh genuinely. Still, there have been difficult moments. And some people have been left by the wayside as my time has been horrifyingly limited. I'm still only in the beginning phases of catching up, so hopefully I can, at least in part, make up for the many blunders and changes that've happened in these short few weeks. Only time will tell.

I do need to get back to business here on this blog too. I've had one guest blogging offer already, which pleases me to no end. Any time I can have a few people take over for a brief time and post some interesting, amusing, or humorous tidbits in keeping with the intended purpose of this blog, it's greatly appreciated. As one man, trying to write these posts along with other articles all over and future book projects, it can be difficult finding the time to remember that my own life is often kept on the wayside. I love to write on here, don't get me wrong, but after a few years of posting far more regularly, I do need a break. There are people out there I want to have some actual time with and trips I need to make or plan. And to top it all off, I have a severely difficult project on the horizon: writing a sequel to my book. It won't be easy, that's for sure... but I want to do it and refuse not to do it.

So, as the weather gets colder and more dreary here in Ohio, we'll see what happens with my cabin fever as we head into winter. One year of so much traveling and interesting adventures will certainly make matters worse. And when the first snow flies in the coming month or so, I'll probably have more time for blogging... but long for the world outside that is frozen in place until the spring thaw.

Infantile Behavior...

Another interesting week draws to a close. Keeping busy with a plethora of things, checking up on friends, and receiving my first onslaught of negativity from an unexpected (well, expected... but not expected) source. Shocking? Slightly. Crushing? Not at all. I know who I am and what I believe, and this year has been educational about the definition of friendship. If not marching to someone's drum or telling people what they want to hear makes me a bad man, then hooray for being rotten!

But it's an interesting world out there with plenty of views. And while a lot of the news is on the depressing side, there are some things that aren't so dire and jaded.

Take, for example, Jose Alvarenga of Paraguay who opened his infant son's coffin this week to find that he wasn't dead, as doctors had told him. While it's good news for the new father, it doesn't bode well for doctors and staff at the unnamed hospital in Asuncion. If you can't tell dead from living, perhaps medicine isn't the proper field for you.

Then back to the United States, where in Florida sightings of what is described as a "baby Bigfoot" have been reported in the Baker County area. While it might be an orangutan, the mystery creature has an apparent sweet tooth. Among the witnesses was a bear hunter who lost a few jelly donuts too the furry caper. Subsequent attempts too lure the pint-sized furball out in the open with confectionery treats have failed.

That's all for now when it comes to abnormal childlike behavior. Bear with me as I struggle with graphics, barrel ahead toward autumn and Halloween, and blaze a few trails in the world, as well as my own life...

Heavy Cloud But No Rain...

As life leads us through those little pathways in the woods, we never quite know where the trails will lead us. Sometimes, what seems to be the surest, best-worn footpath ends up at a dead end... or worse, leads to a grassy meadow where no trail can be found. And there, we're left to wander for a spell, avoiding spiders and snakes and stinging insects in the blazing sun until we find some faded walkway to follow once more.

It has been an interesting few weeks... and I regretfully tell you all that the video posts I was planning will have to wait. Life has shifted in many ways for me at the moment, but through all the changes, I have to say that I do not regret anything. Honestly. I have a pile of incredibly wonderful memories from the recent past to make me smile and some wonderful people in my life. Perhaps things have changed from "certain" to "lost in the woods" in some areas of my life, but in some level, it all has been worth it. Life is a risk. A life without chances might be safe, but never answers those "what-if" questions. I'd rather have spent my life stepping off the edge once in a while and not finding solid ground beneath me than taking a safe route and never experiencing life's joys, loves, and aches.

I have also had some time to think. And what have I concluded? Mainly, that I'm rather confused about my own path... and disappointed at the person I've become as of late. I feel the need for reinvention and want to do some changing with my appearance, life, etc. yet am not sure how exactly I'll be doing that. I dislike how I've foregone my own opinions and beliefs to please those around me and avoid arguments for so long that I've lost my spark, my trailblazing spirit that took so long to develop. I've slipped back down a gravel slope toward passivity, and it wasn't until someone I care about held a mirror to my face that I realized who I had become. I hated what I saw. But I needed to see it. I'm truly sorry for any grief it caused.

And even more, I hate that I've lost my chipper, blogging habits. I lost the point of this whole blog: to find amusement in the mundane and laugh at some incredibly absurd things about life and death. For that, I apologize to my readers. Life is too serious. We all deal with depression, stress, grief, pain and unbelievable heartache constantly in our lives. It doesn't get better or worse as you age. Ignoring it won't make it disappear, but dwelling on it doesn't make it better. Accept life and people for what they are... find the beauty and wonderful sides to everyone to avoid turning bitter... and most importantly, never forget to laugh.

It's a strange world out there. And during terrible times, humor is often the only thing to save us from total destruction.

"Hello. I'd Like to Have an Argument."

It's been another one of those crazy weeks. People disappearing, people popping up out of nowhere, health problems with people around me, and the usual insanity I call my life. And then, I made the mistake last weekend of answering a question on an online forum: do you believe in ghosts? I said more than just 'yes'.

In hindsight, it was a bad idea. Many people respond in grunts, syllables, or not at all to statements that they know will lead to arguments or complaints. One-word responses leave little to fight over. But some people just like arguing.

What followed was a prolonged attack since, apparently, stating that I'm a "paranormal investigator" automatically means I speak on behalf of every parapsychologist, researcher, professor, scientist, writer, ghost hunter, and anyone else (alive or dead) in any way connected to the field. The same old arguments rehashed a billion times flung at me, demanding ultimate "proof". But, of course, it wasn't in a polite discourse; it's the typical heckling of someone who, no matter what is presented to them, remains convinced that you're an idiot.

I see we haven't changed much since the Puritans. Witch hunts are still happening. Different is bad. In only a few sentences stating my opinions, I instantly turned into Frankenstein's monster. What do you do? If you walk away, you're supposedly admitting "that they are right", but if you stand and defend yourself, you're "absurd". It's a lose-lose situation. But it comes from speaking your mind and being a part of this field. Opening your mouth makes you a target of torch-bearing townsfolk rallying to "burn the witch".

I hate arguing. Especially when it's pointless or when someone belittles your words because "they know everything". Real stupidity comes from believing that you're omniscient and omnipotent. Only wise people know that they don't know everything. but I let it go on for a while before stopping and thinking, "what the hell am I doing?" Discussing something with someone who can't see beyond their own window to the world is the most wasteful thing anyone can do.

I like letting people make their own informed opinions, as everyone should. Don't just spit out what someone else told you; review everything and form your own opinion. And if it's different from someone else's, big friggin' deal! Guess what? Everyone has an opinion, a belief, a perspective. Being loud doesn't mean you know more than someone else; it just means your mouth opens wider.

Humankind has the capacity to become rabid dogs. People like to gang up with viciousness to feel inflated about their own superiority. But, when the attack is on them, everything is very different. That's just mean! Well, that's just human nature. Evil doesn't come from supernatural demons, it comes from the depths of humankind. Humanity has a tendency to be inhumane. And it circles itself; call it karma if you wish, but the stream of putrid words we sometimes spill out come back at us in a different form. And when they do, we have no right to complain. We did it once ourselves.

Agreeing to disagree or seeing another viewpoint is a challenge for many people. But we all see the world differently. Every man or woman is the product of his or her collective beliefs, experience, and thoughts. More time is wasted on pointless back-and-forth banter than actual reasoning. In a way, it's comical. If people could see the humor in it, of course.

I guess what bothers me most is, being an open-minded person, I expect to be treated as I treat others. I could be cruel and nasty many times, but I choose to let most things slide. I try to make people think and reason, prepare for what is coming, yet it is labeled "non-conformity". So what? I'm not a conformist. I'm an individual. If I'm the only one not running with the herd, it makes me an independent thinker not an anarchist. Different is good; different brings about revolutionary thought and ideas. If it weren't for outcasts, nothing would ever change. Ideas are what separate us from our inner animal. If being a non-ape makes me a bad person to somepeople, I'll settle for that.

Detector School Dropouts...

You're at a haunted location. You want to check to see if there might be a ghost around. So, what do you do? You whip out your trusty EMF meter. Why? Um... well... because everyone else does. As the old argument goes, "and if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?"

EMF (a.k.a electromagnetic frequency, electromagnetic fluctuation) has become the must-have gadget for any "serious" investigator of paranormal phenomena. Most ghost hunters will tell you that these devices react to ghosts and spirits, which "give off higher readings" of electrical and magnetic energies. It's failproof and reliable. Right? Well, not really. But before you prepare the fire to burn me at the stake for "heretical nonsensical talk", take a moment to listen.

Our world is a noisy cacophony of electricity, magnetism, and waves (radiation, radio, round, microwaves, etc.), most of which we cannot see, hear, or sense. Some is man-made, some natural. If we could hear all the energy constantly around us, it might sound like rush hour traffic in New York City. And this is the world in which we try to fiddle with a Gauss meter (or EMF meter). Many people using these devices don't know what they're detecting. Cheap models cannot filter out natural energy from interference caused by our own technology. But to ask most investigators, they "work".

In reality, they don't. I'm sorry, but they don't. I don't even own one because I've experimented with them and found them about as useful in the pursuit of ghosts as a rubber ducky. Yes, they do indeed note fluctuations in energy on occasion, but in the chaos invisible to our senses, what's really happening? It is that power line or cell phone? Am I sitting on a meteorite? Or did the CIA just fly a covert plane overhead giving off powerful radio signals telling me to invest in the Bank of America? I just don't know.

The sad fact is there is no definitive correlation found between unexplained phenomena and EMF readings. Some say ghosts cause spikes. Others say powerful bursts of energy make us hallucinate. But each is just a guess. A thought. I've witnessed unexplainable sights, sounds, and smells while Gauss meters remained silent and inactive. I've seen them go wild while nothing out of the ordinary occurs. And you're trying to tell me that EMF and paranormal phenomena are connected? No, thank you; I'm not interested in that prime Florida swampland.

If I'm trying to pick up a toothpick, a magnet won't work no matter how hard I try. It doesn't mean the toothpick isn't there; it just means that the magnet isn't a valid method of detecting it. And that's largely how I view Gauss meters in the field. You'll pick up on something alright, but not a ghost. So, you say, what does work, you mean, cranky, pessimist? Well, I don't exactly know. That requires more experimentation. But we need to look beyond one possibility to make any headway. What about a Geiger counter, or a photometer?

And yes, there's a reason I suggest these gadgets. Research in telepathy, which might be related to "psychic experiences" and hauntings, has found that whatever mechanism is being used to convey information is not governed by electromagnetic principles. Psychometry works in shielded environs and Faraday cages. Whatever we're looking for lies outside the known particles, waves, etc. Perhaps it's like a photon, allowing it to be visible yet behave like a wave. Whatever the answer, it exists outside the box.

For an interesting piece of reading material, I suggest Steve Mizrach's The Superspectrum Hypothesis.

Midnight Reflections in the Garden...

We view the world through windows of our soul. From what we see through the glass, we make decisions. Some positive, others negative. Of course, we often fail to see the clarity of the glass through which we peer. It isn't until someone wipes away the grime that we realize the fog we've lived in.

Life is all about perception. Judgments, decisions, choices, beliefs, etc. Each man and woman has free will. The hardest part of life is being yourself. Happiness might be an option, but it always has a price. One man's calamity is another's success. There's a balance, seen and unseen, in the cosmos. And a certain humor to be found in our world that too many fail to notice.

Just over a month of time separates me now from the big 3-0. Thirty years of life gone, spent dancing in a garden alongside both sweet lilies and thistles. The flora has been ever changing and not without a few pricks on thorns. Some seasons blossom with beauty; others wilt into dormancy. New growth emerges in corners long vacant as once steadfast oaks suffer from blight and crash back to the ground to rot. But it's my garden. An entire history lies beneath fallen leaves, compacted as layers of soul below the surface.

Spring is a time of change and rebirth for all life. And this is true with my own. I have much to be thankful for and many prospects on the horizon. I've survived all life has thrown at me and stepped out with humor and optimism. Friendships have faded while ghosts from the past have reappeared. Lessons have been learned. Memories and attitudes noted for future reference. The coming months hold a wealth of promise and new endeavors. While we should never forget the past, we must set our sights on what lies ahead.

And that excites me. I have so many things to look forward to in the coming months. New ventures, reunions with dear sweet friends, fascinating travels. Some hard labors are paying off while others have only begun. Sown crops are nearing harvest; new buds sprout from branches of the tree of life, eager to soar to new heights. Life is not merely about death.

But be prepared; in life (and death), we must expect the unexpected. Hurricanes come without warning, as do sudden windfalls. Sometimes, you have to stand and face the world. Neutrality isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've spent a good portion of my time blogging trying to avoid endorsements and keeping a silly view of the paranormal world. While the latter will not change (nothing in this world will stop me from finding the occasional joke in humanity), the former needs to be addressed. No more "I'm avoiding this discussion as not to step on toes". If some people are controversial, so be it. Not everyone likes everyone else. But I do like, admire, and appreciate a good many people and no one else's opinions of them will change that. It's time for me to defend those who fall into that category, for my own reasons and at my own whim.

High winds may stir dust devils in the garden of my life, but "he who stands for nothing falls for anything". And I'm still standing.

"Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar"...

Let's face it: the paranormal community can be confusing and filled with misinformation. "Ghost hunting" organizations are a dime a dozen, competing for attention, praise, and even cash. For every website offering the "facts", there is another "true" website out there telling you the exact opposite. The only certainty with the paranormal is that nothing is certain. No undeniable scientific proof of ghosts. No one piece of footage or audio verified to be a ghost. No college-degreed expert in the field with a PhD in ghosts, hauntings, and all things paranormal (sure, some people have more experience and there are a few scattered parapsychologists with degrees, but there is no true degree in "ghost hunting").

We hear a lot of things from a lot of people, amateurs and professionals, saying what they believe. Some speak from personal experience, others from books and websites they've read. There are those who claim to make contact with the deceased. Others are more scientifically-minded, carrying around enough electronic equipment to blackout a small Kansas town. The best psychics in the world are never 100% accurate; even the most tech savvy individuals don't always understand their own equipment or what it detects exactly. Yet everyone is an expert in their own mind. Everyone knows the "right way", what's "undeniably true".

And then, you delve into the muddied waters of speculation and faith-based principles. Some people label certain spirits "demons", or even practice "demonology", often needlessly frightening clients and business owners with unverifiable information biased by their religious beliefs. Another small segment of the field promise to evict a ghost or spirit from a property by "sending it to the light" or making it disappear in a puff of smoke. Still more produce "photographic evidence" which, to the trained eye, is nothing but cold breath, glare from lights, or flying dust-bunnies and mosquitoes. They fail to mention that each above-mentioned item is refutable. There's no proof of demonic entities (and using the term implies a Christian view is the only "right" answer). It's impossible to guarantee the removal of a ghost (how do you guarantee something without proof it exists in the first place; furthermore, if you're dealing with a person having a mental illness and they still "see the ghost", you're up a creek without a paddle). Many pieces of evidence can be replicated quite easily using non-supernatural means, making it impossible to prove that orb is a spirit, that misty smoke covering the lens is a phantom.

There is one person out there shedding a bit of light on the latter: Patrick H. T. Doyle. This author and paranormal investigator noticed that his YouTube promotional videos were being misinterpreted as ghosts when they were mere parlor tricks. So, Doyle set out to create a short series showing how "paranormal" footage you might find online can easily be faked or misinterpreted. Does this make him a non-believer? Hardly... just observant. In fact, he does investigate hauntings and believes he has experienced supernatural things. But what we see isn't always what we perceive. It's important to learn the difference between natural occurrences and spooks.

Here's a clip from his series... discussing the one topic that annoys me so: orbs.


Now, understand that I'm not saying there can't be balls of light seen by people or cameras (I witnessed a blue ball of light myself one night drop from the sky and rush through a field; not a likely behavior of swamp gas), but please, for the sake of humanity, people, stop calling every "orb" a ghost! Don't add fuel to the fire of paranormal paranoia. Think. Research. Educate yourself. And if you're serious about wanting to capture photographic "proof" of a ghost, put down the digital and pick up a 35mm camera. At least that was you have some hard copy that can be scrutinized by photographic experts.

But I'm Wearing a Freudian Slip...

Friday the 13th is upon us once more. Another jinxed day which, for those of us who are single and/or unfortunate in love, quite fittingly is a precursor to Valentine's Day. But perhaps black cats, dead people, and lunatics deserve just as much love...

I have had a very productive week with writing and after today's frantic typing, I should be on track for an early deadline. It's a relief to know that in a few short weeks, this book should be complete. While it won't be completely written to my own satisfaction, gathering all the required information and history would require another year and a small fortune in travel, inquiries, and hands-on investigation. So, I'll settle for being more thorough than others in the past and giving as full a story as I can in the alloted time.

My thoughts this week have drifted to psychology, perhaps in part from reading William March's The Bad Seed. That, combined with past experience and discussions in psychology, made me realize what a pseudoscience the field really is. I know some people may disagree, but the truth is we still know little about the mind, its functions, and human behavior. For every shrink who states emphatically the causes of one human thought process, another declares the exact opposite as truth. People are categorized into boxes as they best fit for diagnosis. Dreams are interpreted by some as subliminal messages, and to others as the mind discarding useless crud. When some personality traits and outside that "type", they are discarded and dismissed... it is "close enough", they say.

What's scientific about being "close enough"? Should a panther be lumped into the canine family simply because it shares many characteristics? Hardly. And when it comes to the paranormal, we often make the same hasty assumptions. An orb is paranormal because it's semi-transparent and odd. Sometimes, it coincides with other experiences. We assume so much is paranormal because it's "close enough". Therefore, if psychology is viewed as legitimate science, shouldn't parapsychology be just as accepted?

I'm not saying any one is true and the other false. It's just a random thought. I've always been an odd thinker. I remember back in my early school years being taught in basic science about light and color. Teachers told me that objects appear as a certain color because they reflect that shade of the light spectrum. Leaves are green because they reflect green light, etc. My initial thought (which has never been answered sufficiently) was this: if that's true, then what color are things really? Is the world composed merely of black, white, and all shades between? Color is merely an illusion, is it not? Things have certain properties which cause them to reflect colors, so they aren't really those colors, right?

Yes. I think far too much.

Reality is very subjective. The world around us is entirely open to interpretation. Like psychology and the paranormal. And the insane. What if insanity is really sanity? What if being sane is, in fact, being delusional? Who can say for sure? Is a black-and-white photograph a true representation of our world? Is someone who talks to "invisible people" simply seeing and hearing what we cannot? Is life one prolonged dream from which we only awake at our death to realize our life has only begun? These are all strange and frightening ideas. But what if they're true?

The more we try to unravel the mysteries of the universe, the more puzzling everything becomes. If religion is nonsense, paranormal is bunk, and magic doesn't exist, is life the biggest delusional sham? Isn't everything we do beyond basic survival and propagation of the species one big lie to fool ourselves into believing we have meaning? Remember, we're just animals in the grand scheme of things. Is love just an accidental chemical reaction?

The real question is, do we want to know the answers? Human beings dislike reality. Illusion is safer. Fiction more tantalizing. Reality is a sleeping pitbull in the corner of the room. Better not wake it up...

"...and how does that make you feel?"

"I'm Here to Make Sure You Don't Say Anything Controversial..."

An interesting thought was expressed back in December on a blog, Ghost Theory, about my website. One of the stories of a gay ghost was pulled out from the bunch and brought into the limelight. The story, of a ghost said to pull down the zipper of male employees, raised questions and concerns of reinforcing stereotypes and being a bit off-color.

To be honest, I know some people will see it as ammunition reinforcing their views that gay men are loathsome creatures hellbent on seducing any male in their vicinity. But others will have a good laugh about it. Some may even find it fascinating. In fact, each person who reads about it will take away from it something different. That's the beauty of individualistic thought.

Some could say that I should eliminate it. That it's too "negative" for the gay community. I can't find it within myself to do that. I'm not a fan of censorship. to do so would be an attempt to paint a perfect, idealistic view of the community free of anything bad or "distasteful" (as some may say). But that's not reality. It's not true. Just look around at the world: there are murderers, rapists, thieves, and rogues in every walk of life, every sector of society. In every category we create for ourselves (rich, poor, black, white, Russian, American, gay, straight, etc.), there are good, bad, or ugly people. Why pretend they don't exist?

Perhaps there's a little James Whale in me: the sarcastic oh-dear-I'll-never-work-in-this-town-again attitude of non-conventional thought. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that. I ruffle a lot of feathers and I'm not always politically correct. But there is only one way not to offend anyone: never say anything. Never express an opinion. Never have a viewpoint. Never hold any convictions.

I am sometimes guilty of being a fence-sitter and not taking sides or joining a rally cry. That happens when I either a) don't have enough information to form an opinion; or b) see the gunfighting getting downright dangerous and would prefer to stay out of the crossfire. In those cases, I try to keep my opinions to myself. They are rare instances, but they do happen. More often I treat everything with a healthy dose of humor. This is often directed at both sides. In most instances of life, there is no "right side" to be on. There is truth to be found in all sides of most arguments.

I have always taken great pride in being unique, seeing outside the box, and not conforming to the mainstream world around me. I like what I like because I enjoy it, not because anyone wants me to like it. And that view expresses itself in all aspects of my life. My tastes range from the traditional to the bizarre, which is probably why I gravitate toward the paranormal. It goes without saying that even in the supernatural vein, I aim for the strange. But I make no apologies for that. I like paving new paths and marching to my own dysfunctional drummer inside my head. I giggle at what makes some people cringe. I thrill in the pursuit of the weird.

And so, horny ghosts stay in my work. I make jibes at people not for being different, but for turning a sunken dinghy into the Titanic. I point out unusual things unknown to many. And that's all a part of who I am. As Bette Davis once said, "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night."

Baa Baa Black Sheep...

(or "Being a Loathed Maverick Without Running for Political Office...")

For most of my life, I have felt like a casual observer of humanity on the outside of an aquarium looking in at the inner workings of social interaction and human behavior. I guess it comes as no surprise that I still often feel like an outsider on the fringe. Some of my beliefs aren't in line with majority views. I march to my own drummer, even when it meets with resistance.

This is certainly true in the paranormal community. I don't try to pass off every round photographic anomaly as an orb. I'm not an avid "Ghost Hunters" viewer and I don't offer ghost housekeeping services or magical cleansings, which may or may not work. I hold myself to the same level of scrutiny as I find from both believers and skeptics alike. And often I clash with both peers and critics.

But that's part of the job. They say that if you can't handle a rejection letter, you have no business being a writer. On the same token, if you can't weather harsh criticism with the paranormal, it might not be your best choice of career or hobby.

I remember sitting in the waiting area at Cleveland Scene Magazine years ago, waiting to have my picture taken to accompany an article being published. As I read a newspaper (Tip: if you want to appear ignorant of your surroundings, pretend to be reading or watching television), the secretary began discussing the latest news with a colleague.

"So, what happened with this ghost hunting article Chris was writing about?"

"He said it was stupid. A bunch of weird people wandering in the dark talking about seeing spirits. The head guy was okay but some of the others were crazy."

Just then, the journalist and photographer came over to whisk me away to an empty room to snap a photo of me holding a flashlight and "acting" like I was looking for something. I flashed a polite smile to the secretary as I passed; a look of embarrassed dread crossed her face. Minutes later, I returned to the waiting room to head out.

"I'm so sorry about what I said," she pleaded.

I brushed it off. "Don't worry about it. I've been called worse. And I know it seems a bit strange to most people, but I still find it interesting."

I showed her my website, explained my own skepticism, and let her glance at my few photos. She played a few EVP's before shutting down her browser.

"Okay, I'm creeped out. I can't listen to any more!"

I left feeling content that she now knew I wasn't some lunatic with a flashlight.

The desire for fame can be blinding to beginners. Everyone, it seems, wants to be a Kennedy but doesn't want to face possible bullets. And they do come flying in the form of quiet remarks or swift attacks. It can be as subtle as offhand comments behind your back or patronizing statements passed off as fake surprise or enthusiasm (and many fail to detect it). At other times, comments are directly thrust in your face, defiantly declaring you a fraud or psychopath.

This is an extremely controversial topic. The more exposure you gain, the more open to attacks we all become. Just looking at the latest TAPS jacket-pulling debate is proof of that. Is it fake? I don't have an opinion. It could be or couldn't be. But I'm not here to judge and burn bridges. I will say this much: the truth will come out eventually. If it end up being fraudulent, I'd focus my blame on pressures from behind-the-scenes. People fail to realize the level of control producers and management exert on television and film. Once you're a celebrity, you no longer have the final say in anything. You're just a pawn. Every word is monitored while contracts are dangled over your head like blackmail letters. It's a tough, cruel world.

Even if you haven't achieved ultimate fame, people smile at you with concealed daggers waiting for a chance to plunge it into your back. Paranormal investigators scratch and claw at each other to prove themselves worthier of positive press. Instead of teamwork, it's a dog-eat-dog world. Belittling others becomes the norm. Dramas become more frequent than any found in booze-soaked gay bars. Ultimately, most investigators lead a nomadic existence after years of battling these petty forces.

And so, here I am: the black sheep. Not much has changed in over a decade. The same battles and nitpicking surrounds me. Newbies still become overnight experts. Seasoned researchers fight bitterness and apathy. The world keeps spinning yet some feel the need to make themselves the axis. Every day feels like going into battle, and the comrades are few and far between.

Somewhere along the way, we forgot why we're in this. The paranormal takes a backseat to popularity and oneupmanship. It takes a tough skin and strong sense of humor to survive. But no one ever said it was easy to be different. Unpaved roads are never without a few bumps. But the view from afar—the view from the outside—is so much better.