"The Power of Christ Compels You!"

And here I thought that uncomfortable warmth inside was only heartburn...

What's really frightening is that some people actually believe this. Not possible, you say? Well, for some irritating, mind-boggling, and insane reading, check out what a British exorcist has to say.

Waken Thou With Me...

I have been reminiscent of my latter school days lately. Mostly, it is from the notion that I was, at that moment, so oblivious to the subtle messages sent to me from one of my teachers.

Since he is still in the educational system, I will avoid any direct mention of his name, yet he knows who he is. He was both an educator and a vocal coach to me as I made my way toward college, majoring in music. I was on the timid and shy side in those days. I kept to myself and never quite felt that I fit in. Apparently, one teacher recognized this... and in ways I couldn't imagine at the time.

Theater and music brought me out of my shell, and I decided a major reflecting that would be best suited for me. Even though I felt inadequate, I was pushed onward by one teacher in particular. He was in his 20s and quickly became one of my favorites.

While most of my peers ignored my lack of social and dating life, I sometimes wonder if he took notice of it. While I was quiet, I completely avoided coming out of the closet, not wanting to give anyone extra ammunition against me. I kept to myself a lot but allowed myself a little artistic freedom on stage and in music classes. Nothing out of the ordinary happened in school but when I began gearing up for college and sought private lessons for my audition into the school of music, I noticed certain things which, in hindsight, were very blatant.

At his house, I would learn vocal exercises and more challenging music to prove myself worthy of acceptance into the college program. Two pieces were chosen for me: 'Nina' by Giovanni Battista Pergolesi and 'Now Sleeps the Crimson Petal' by Roger Quilter. The latter work had lyrics by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. It would be a decade before I bothered to note that both Quilter and Tennyson were gay. I am uncertain about Pergolesi and he was merely 26 when he died of tuberculosis.

I do recall one incident during a lesson that became etched in my mind. Before the lesson, I mentioned how I wanted to sing Danny Boy, a song I had always liked. he thought it was a bit too simplistic, but we practiced it briefly anyway. Midway through the song, he stopped and looked at me with a curious expression.

"I always wondered. This song is sung by a man to another man, isn't it?" he asked.

I was dumbfounded. "Um, well," I stuttered, "it's sung between a father and son."

"Oh. Right," he replied. A snide grin flashed across his face. With that, he said we should get back to Nina. "Where were we? Oh yeah, she's in her bed... the bitch is dead, blah, blah, blah..."

I chuckled a bit. I didn't want to assume anything. With hindsight, it seemed completely obvious that it was a semi-subtle way of acknowledging a secret we both shared in common.

That was the same day I met his "roommate". I'll confess, I thought he was quite handsome.

It wasn't until after graduation that the truth finally leaked out. They had been together since college. There was a bit of a scandal in school when he had been accused of having an affair with one of my classmate's mothers. It lead to a divorce, but I'm certain this little secret came out. I'm not sure if he was relieved of his teaching duties or left voluntarily, but he still is in the education system in a new place with a different role. I did a little researching years ago and had a friend who encountered him a few times as they went to the same gym.

Part of me thinks I couldn't have been that ignorant. Perhaps I was trying to live in denial that someone could pick up on my little secret. Yet often, others know before we do. Sometimes they acknowledge it, sometimes they stay silent.

I do regret not thanking him for making me feel a little less outside of normal. For making my high school years more fun and memorable. For introducing me to a spectrum of music which had passed me by at that point in my life. The Village People. Gloria Estefan. Maria Carey. And the music and lyrics which still linger with me to this day...

"Now folds the lily all her sweetness up,
And slips into the bosom of the lake:
So fold thyself, my dearest, thou, and slip
Into my bosom and be lost in me."

Seeing is Believing...

After an interesting discussion this week on skepticism and the paranormal, I have come to a grave and unfortunate conclusion: in the eyes of true skeptics, I do not exist.

I don't mean to say that my beliefs are unfounded or my views are ignored. I mean that as a gay male, I am as fictitious of an entity as a phantasm.

According to the American Psychological Association, " There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors."

In other words, while scientists and experts have diligently attempted to prove the existence of homosexuality in a legitimate, biological manner, they have failed to find any concrete evidence. Therefore, under scientific scrutiny, the existence of homosexuality is bunk.

Following the CFI's method of inquiry, based on the work of Bertrand Russell in his essay, "The Ethics of Belief", :

1. "we should not accept a belief as true if there is a preponderance of evidence against it, or if it is found to be rationally inconsistent with other well-founded beliefs, or both. To cling to beliefs for which there are abundant evidence and reasons to the contrary is irrational. Another application of this rule is reasonable, that is,
2. that we ought not to accept a belief as true if there is inadequate evidence and insufficient reasons to do so, and conversely,

1. we should accept a belief claim only if it is based on adequately justifying reasons and sufficient evidence. A corollary of this is that
2. where we do not have adequate grounds for believing that something is the case, then we should, wherever possible, adopt the stance of the skeptic and suspend judgment."

So, let's examine the evidence, shall we?

There are websites, books, and social groups from around the globe openly discussing homosexuality. These can be quite misleading to the general public. People claim to be homosexual, yet science cannot back up these claims with hard evidence. An abundance of people know of or have witnessed homosexuals, but this is mere hearsay. And then there are the photographs and videos of homosexual people and acts. Seriously, these can easily be faked.

How can any logical human believe we really exist?

As a society, we must learn to be more critical thinkers and not merely follow blindly the beliefs and ideas passed along to us by others.

But don't take my word for it. After all, I'm not real.

A Day Against Hate

Today marks yet another observance of International Day Against Homophobia. It was first designated by Fondation Émergence on June 4, 2003 in Québec, Canada to promote harmonious relationships among people of all orientations, end discrimination, and show the consequences of homophobic acts. It's perfectly fitting for Québec to take this initiative: it was the first province to forbid discrimination based on sexual orientation in 1977. This day marks a time for both celebration and awareness. Though tolerance seems better than in years before, there are still many milestones to pass.

Homophobia comes in many forms: from the casual derogatory use of the words "fag" and "gay" among teenagers to public hangings of homosexuals in various countries. It stems from societal and individual inabilities to grasp differences among people... and in turn, view them as a threat. These beliefs can even lead to internalized homophobia, where gay and lesbian individuals begin to view themselves as inferior or worthless. The self-loathing can eventually lead to suicide.

This year's focus is on health issues, including depression and suicide, blood and organ donations, addiction, and AIDS. Medical institutions and employers still have been known to discriminate against individuals based on hiv status and sexuality. People still equate AIDS with homosexuality. And the risk of suicide in both teenagers and adults hasn't ended.

We can all do our part to help end the hate. Encourage teachers and employers to discuss homophobia. Ask businesses, organizations, newspapers, and media sources to publicize this day and make a firm stand on tolerance. Contact your political representatives and tell them to support diversity and follow through on past promises. Persuade parents to talk openly and non-judgmentally about homosexuality with their kids. Find the courage to "come out" in some way and let others know they aren't alone.

Or just feel free to kiss someone in public...

Go Find Some Easter Eggs...

No, I don't mean the coloured eggs you might see today. I'm talking about virtual media Easter eggs.

Starting in 1979, programmers and creators have found neat little ways of sneaking extras into everything from video games to software to movies. Most of us never even realize they are there, but to those creative enough to seek them out, there can be many rewards.

If you're a movie buff like I am, you may want to check out DVD Easter Eggs and glance through to see if there are any interesting things you've been missing out on your movies and television series'. Ironically enough, in Season 3 of Doctor Who, an episode titled "Blink" deals with these virtual Easter eggs hidden in DVDs as part of the plot.

Then there are more interesting ones. Especially in video games. Say, for example, the new Rockstar Games 'Bully'. A few choice moves and you can do something other than beat up on people. You can get a few of the boys to make out!

Don't believe me? Well, someone did a nice job of recording a screen capture from their makeout moment...

Brothers Do It Better...

Police in Philadelphia have finally nabbed the suspected burglars in a string of rooftop robberies. They are two brothers from New Jersey.

Twin brothers Keyontyli and Taleon Goffney. Gay twin brothers. Gay twin brothers who do porn.

And they were apprehended after robbing a beauty shop on the 19th of February. How ironic and stereotypical can you get?

Apparently, they used an ax and a handsaw to gain entry through the roofs of the buildings and plunder the stores. Among the things stolen from a Rite Aid the previous day were cigarettes, money, and condoms.

Maybe the latter was for a little post-victory celebration...

Keyontyli is a model. His brother has a long history with the police, including eluding police and drug charges.

I guess there's more than one way to become famous...

Panic and the Disco

Sexuality and its origins have always been a fiercely debated subject. Is it genetic? Is it a learned trait? Is it both? Even though science has discovered several possibilities, no one can agree.

I heard a stand-up comedian once discuss a German study involving stress and homosexuality. It turns out, her routine was based in fact. The Dresden Study, as it has become known, noted that during World War II, a higher-than-normal percentage of infants born during the bombing of the city ended up being gay or lesbian. Dr. Günter Dörner published his findings in 1982 (Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 11, No. 5, 1982, pp. 445–450). Researchers in America and the United Kingdom confirmed that the stress chromosome cortisol may lead to a decrease in testosterone, causing infants to become homosexual.

Lately, there's been a rise in researchers trying to find physical differences to "weed out" gays and lesbians: the length of ring fingers, left-handedness, number of older brothers, hair patterns, fingerprints, etc. In most circumstances, the traits apply to "many" gays and lesbians, but not all.

So, where do I register on the plethora of scientific babble floating around in cyberspace? Well, my mother suffered from panic attacks during her pregnancy. Check. I am left-handed (supposedly, gays and lesbians are more inclined to be left-handed... us south paws are better with spatial tasks, i.e. art, science, math, architecture, and everyday life). Check. My index finger is shorter than my ring finger. Oops. My hair has a clockwise whorl. Oops. I have no brothers. Oops. I didn't dress like a girl as a child. Oops. I played with toy cars and trains as a child. Oops.

So, science hasn't quite figured things out. Hopefully, they never will. Why do I say that? very simple: it would create a basis for discrimination and extermination. Mothers could choose whether or not to abort a child who might grow up to be homosexual. People with certain key features could be ostracized or excluded from activities and society. Though the world would not instantaneously become an intolerant place, it would be a better breeding ground for people with malevolent intentions.

My sister is pregnant with her first child. With all the dysfunctional genes and health issues running in our family, it will be quite interesting to see how he or she turns out.

I'll try not to stress her out too much to test the hypothesis.

Diligently Following the Campaign Treasure Trail...

With the US presidential campaigns finally kicking into high gear, there was bound to be some controversies and allegations sooner or later. Barack Obama is edging out Hillary Clinton for Democratic nominee. And now, a man has come forward with allegations of Obama's recent past, only to be ignored by mainstream media.

What's the fuss all about? Oh, nothing serious. Just that Obama smoked crack cocaine and received oral sex from a man in 1999.

A man named Larry Sinclair recently came forward with this bold statement. He posted a YouTube video concerning the matter and claims that soon afterward, Obama and the Democratic National Committee began threatening and intimidating him. He went so far as to file a lawsuit against them on February 11th.

According to Sinclair, the incident took place in his limousine. He also stated that the then-Illinois legislator purchased powdered cocaine for him. They then proceeded to a hotel where... well, you can fill in the rest with your imagination.

Is the story true? We should find out before the March 4th primary elections. Sinclair was paid $10,000 for his story by Whitehouse.com and they are administering a polygraph test on February 26th. If the test results show he is telling the truth, he'll be given an extra $100,000 by the news agency.

Could this damage Obama's campaign? Of course. But even if the allegations are true, at least he opted to have a sex scandal before entering the Oval Office...

There's Something Queer About That Old, Spooky House...

I can't help it. It's nearly impossible to be a gay man and not try to find a gay slant to nearly everything.

Even the paranormal.

When I first started investigating the supernatural, I still felt quite alone. I was a teenager in a small town, battling my own demons and shame while searching for dead people in the darkness. Actually, that's what drew me further into the world of ghosts and hauntings: they seemed so sad. So misunderstood. So feared and hated for no good reason. They were viewed how I felt I was being viewed. They just needed someone to listen. Like me.

Then came the other investigators. Many were devoutly religious and "of a high moral fiber" (meaning Bible-thumping tyrants). Some were very nice, though, and very accepting. And as time went on, I stumbled across one or two who were 'family'. At least I wasn't the only gay in the village anymore...

I've come to realize that there are many gays and lesbians in the field, scattered across the country (we really are everywhere!) and many were just as shocked to find out they weren't alone.

But that wasn't quite good enough for me. It lead to another question: are there any gay ghosts?

Obviously, there had to be. The world of the dead can't be all straight! Right?

In fact, I was right. I have found stories. I've even been compiling notes for a book on the subject.

So, where are these queer spooks, you say? Just look around the globe and you'll find them. Corpsewood Manor, tucked away in a remote section of Tennessee, is allegedly haunted by a gay couple who were murdered for worshiping Satan (hmm... what better way to rationalize a hate crime than making the victims sound like terrible people). A well-known bar in New Orleans, Cafe Lafitte's in Exile, is rumored to be the favored watering hole of long-dead writers Tennessee Williams and Truman Capote. There's even a haunted gay bar in Italy!

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

To be honest, I'm dying of curiosity to see these places for myself and investigate the spirits which inhabit them. It's not simply because of the gay content. The tales themselves are just plain fascinating to me. Though I will admit, the fact that they involve gay characters does make it more intriguing.

We may not have the right to marry, but we do still have the right to haunt the bastards who've bashed us!