Colorful Coupling...

Since it's Valentine's Day, no doubt some of you are on festive dates or celebrating your relationships. Others may commiserate and loathe this day, be it because of single life, separation from the one you love(d), or other anti-holiday feelings. Some call it a Hallmark holiday geared toward materialistic ideals. Whatever your view on today's meaning, it boils down to two thoughts: happiness and love.

Red is the traditional color of love, but love comes in so many shades. We give different colors their meanings and form symbolic attachments to each. There are people who practice colorology—the study and interpretation of colors and their meanings—and delve into auras, astrology, and divinatory methods to seek out color explanations related to mood and personality. Color meanings have even seeped into our culture (ex: "green with envy") and in many ways we are all like the color spectrum. Our world is made up of so many hues; why should we be any different?

If you've ever taken an art class, you know a little bit about color theory. It's not just about blending different hues to make new ones. It delves into the interpretations of different colors and how colors relate to others. Warm colors (red, orange, yellow) invoke happiness as a general rule, though each color has many meanings. It's very complex, just like the world and its people. And yes, even love can be a complicated thing.

I remember being in Wollongong in December, sitting across from Sam and Deb over lunch by the harbor. In some respects, they're quite different people (aside from the obvious American and Australian cultural backgrounds). At the same time, when placed next to each other, they just fit so well together. They're like complementary colors in a spectrum. I have known other people who are similar to contrasting colors; that is, they mix as well as oil and water. Most of the time, the latter makes for a short-lived relationship.

The real key to love and happiness is finding your complementary pair. This doesn't mean look for someone who is a carbon copy of who you are. (There's little excitement in dating your twin.) Opposites can and will attract, but people who seem different can still blend well together. So many people place emphasis on outward appearance, interests, and similarities and forget that interaction, understanding, and personality play a far bigger role in longevity of any relationship. It's not about how the world views you as a couple; it's about how you both interact with each other that ultimately matters.

On this day of reds and pinks, take a little time to expand your view of the spectrum of our world. If you're with the one you love, take some time to think about what makes you happy together. Or if you find yourself solo today, ponder over what has formed barriers in the past and what you truly want in the next relationship. Would being with someone with your ideal looks and a big wallet make you happy, even if you couldn't have a decent conversation with him or her? Are your expectations too narrow or too broad? Knowing who you are and the simple keys to your own version of happiness can pave the way to a more loving and happy year ahead.

Even the Dead are in Love Today...

Today is the final day for the By My Valentine Blog Tour. I thank everyone who stopped by and commented and wish you luck with the book winning contests... and I hope my usual readers were a bit entertained in the process. Whether any of you wish to hear it or not, Happy St. Valentine's Day.

Love comes in all varieties, from passionately physical to kindred friendships. While I mostly covered the more physical types over the past few days, today is somewhat different. Two years ago, I wrote a blog post on love which still rings true even today. And I think it's a good time to look back on a few of the things I said back then:

Everyone wants to be loved. Some people go to extremes to have it. During moments of desperation, we forsake our own happiness... our individuality... for a pair of arms to wrap around us and feel momentarily comforted. We forget the negative aspects of bad relationships in the hope that there is a silver lining to the dark, gloomy cloud.

We forget what love is.

Love isn't about gifts of roses and chocolate. It isn't candlelit dinners for two. It isn't a house with 2.5 children and a white picket fence. Love is comfort. It's not needing to explain yourself a million times or striving for that little reassuring word or action. It's unconditional support and nurturing. It can't be wrapped with a bow. It can't be asked for.

No matter who you are, or where you're from, remember these words today. They're important. They're words to live by. In delving into the paranormal for these nearly 15 years, love is a common string. Unrequited love. Waiting for a lover to return. Dying in the name of love. So many stories of devotion and heartache, great joy and the deepest sadness. Love is a powerful force, no matter the form, and it begs to be acknowledged.

But let's end this on a lighter note. For those of you adults out there, I saved the best photo for last. So if you care to see an artist's rendering of male-on-male, ghost-and-living action, be sure to click here!

The Tour Continues With Spectral Sexuality...

Welcome back to another day for the Be My Valentine Blog Tour! Tomorrow's that wonderful (or dreaded) day all about love and stuff. But here, I've decided to once more focus on the act, rather than the emotional attachment involved. Specifically, sex and the afterlife.

A lot of people wonder if there is lust still after death and I've read just about every opinion on the matter that you can imagine. Some from psychics and "experts" saying adamantly that no, there is nothing of the sort in the spirit world. We "transcend" these "bodily desires" in some form of enlightened nirvana, according to the vocal majority. But I find that very difficult to believe. There are ghosts of murderers and victims of crimes still holding on to their grief and emotions in almost every ghost story you find. Ghosts don't seem to be leaving ANYTHING behind, especially feelings and emotions. Is it really so realistic to think that sex drive is fully attached to the physical body?

And then, we have the obvious examples that sex and death can overlap: incubi and succubi. Both of these spirits are said too attack women and men, respectively, and though the incubus is often male and succubus is often female, there are some possibilities of overlap with same-sex relations. As I mentioned in Queer Hauntings, a possible incubus in Zanzibar--known as Popobawa--is male and seems to have an affinity toward male victims (as depicted in the picture below). Then there are other cases of people reporting rapes involving ghosts and spirits, and even some apparitions with very sexual behaviors. From pinching lesbian ghosts to spectral male trouser enthusiasts to a Midwest haunt where the ghost seems to sport an erection, it doesn't seem very likely that the afterlife lacks the pursuit of physical pleasure.

And on that lurid not, let's bring on a bit more interesting eye candy:

Touring It Up to My Bloody Valentine's...

Welcome everyone from the Be My Valentine Blog Tour and Liquid Silver Books, as well as my other regular (and perhaps bewildered) readers. Some of you may be wondering why a nonfiction writer is partaking in a blog tour dedicated to mainly romance authors and books of that vein. Well, for one I have many friends who write fiction (especially m/m romance) and I do indulge in a wide variety of reading. Secondly... well, being an author of a book dealing with LGBT-related paranormal phenomena, it seems most people aren't quite sure what to classify my work as. A book like Queer Hauntings has never before been written, so I seem to be caught in limbo hovering somewhere between New Age and Gay Fiction.

And in some cases, truth really does meet fiction. Author Jeanne Barrack and I became friends not long after she wrote The Sweet Flag about a gay ghost hunter and civil war spirit. For her, it was a surprise to find a real-life gay paranormal investigator (though I hate too admit I bare no physical resemblance to her character) after creating a fictional person with so many similarities. Had she known about me before then, I'm sure she would have picked my brain for her research. And there are a few other romance books chronicling the queerer side of the paranormal. Author Ally Blue writes a series involving Bay City Paranormal Investigations, a fictional paranormal troop headed by a gay paranormal investigator, Sam Raintree. And that's not even including the many other romance writers who tell tales of ghosts, vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural beings with a gay slant.

While we often think of this as a "time of love" with the approaching holiday, it is also a time of lust. And generally-speaking, the two can easily become intertwined. And now, to appease that lustful side of many of you, here are a few of the more interesting images I've run across (click the photos to enlarge, they will open in a new window):

Love Is (Or Isn't) in the Air...

It's that time of year again. February 14th is tomorrow.

Depending on who you are, one of several thoughts come to mind: the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, spending time with the one you love, giving or receiving roses and chocolates, or loathing the reminder that you're still single.

This year, my Valentine's Day will be spent in a different way: celebrating my friend Bill's birthday.

It's a day of mixed emotions for me. While I do cherish my friendship and know I'll have a good time with good people, it won't be a stereotypical holiday for me. There will be no dozen roses. There will be no cards... no boxes of chocolates. No, there won't be that kiss or those three words everyone longs to hear.

Then again, I've never had a Valentine's Day similar to those fantasies.

Last year, I was just becoming single again around this time. Some people might think of that as a sad moment, but for me it was a relief. The rocky three-year relationship had taken its toll on me and my life. I felt more boxed in than a Whitman's Sampler. Now, I'm free or that episode of my life. But with that freedom comes a certain amount of loneliness and resentment.

Everyone wants to be loved. Some people go to extremes to have it. During moments of desperation, we forsake our own happiness... our individuality... for a pair of arms to wrap around us and feel momentarily comforted. We forget the negative aspects of bad relationships in the hope that there is a silver lining to the dark, gloomy cloud.

We forget what love is.


Love isn't about gifts of roses and chocolate. It isn't candlelit dinners for two. It isn't a house with 2.5 children and a white picket fence. Love is comfort. It's not needing to explain yourself a million times or striving for that little reassuring word or action. It's unconditional support and nurturing. It can't be wrapped with a bow. It can't be asked for.

In my life, I have felt love. I have been in love. Though it can be fleeting at times, it's always a possibility... but never a guarantee. I honestly believe everyone has a chance at love if they keep themselves open to the possibility. It just happens.

Tomorrow, I'll be surrounded by it. Perhaps not love in the romantic sense, but in that of true friendship. Sometimes, we all forget that our friends hold a certain level of love for us and that kind of love is far less fragile. I may not be arm and arm with my soul mate, but that doesn't mean it has to be a miserable day. Good friends, good music, good food. Perhaps a cocktail. That's far better than an evening alone with one person whom you know isn't right for you and you pray won't have another violent outburst.

If you're involved with that special someone, be sure to let them know tomorrow just how much they mean to you. If you're not, remember that you still have people in your life willing to shower love on you if you give them the time of day. Perhaps if you keep that positive outlook, you just might find yourself dangerously close to someone perfect for you before the night is over...