Friday, March 14, 2008

You Have the Right to Remain Deceased...

Police in Lilieci, Romania are no longer investigating the vandalism of several local houses. They have reached a decision that the suspects are in fact poltergeists.

Originally, when townspeople came forward with complaints of malicious attacks by evil spirits, the officers merely laughed it off. The victims aren't finding it so funny.

68-year-old Mircea Hadimbu reported broken windows and flying bicycles. Her sister and close neighbor Melentina Bocancea, 78, experienced candles blowing out and flying cups and saucers. When police arrived on the scene, they were met with flying objects. Villagers hope that a series of exorcisms performed on the houses will finally quiet down the activity.

No arrests have been made.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Stop Dying Already!

A new ordinance in Sarpourenx, France is no laughing matter for Mayor Gerard Lalanne. The town's cemetery has run out of room for graves and there are no plans for expansion.

So, 70-year-old Lalanne has made a bold statement: if you haven't bought a plot by now, it's too late. "All [other] persons... are forbidden from dying in the parish."

Find somewhere else to die, people. We won't tolerate you dying in this town!

Think it's a joke? He added, "Offenders will be severely punished."

I wonder, is there really a fate worse than death?

Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab, And I Said "Your Mother Sucks C**ks in Hell!"

Poor Amy Winehouse. She has so many problems. If only someone could come along and save her.

Never fear! Reverend Robert Larson is ready!

Ready for what? Well, he believes Winehouse is in serious need of an exorcism.

Larson, leader of the Spiritual Freedom Church in Denver, is the world's foremost exorcist. With over 10,000 in his portfolio, he seems qualified for the job. Coincidentally, he is also starting a new series, "The Real Exorcist" for television.

To say this is a publicity stunt is a bit obvious.

I know Winehouse seems to have a soulless gaze about her, but possessed?

According to Larson, there are other troubles souls in our midst. Even in Hollywood. Who else needs to have Satan ripped from their body? Britney Spears.

That could explain so much.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

With Special Guest, Sasquatch...

Bigfoot has been sited again. This time, it wasn't a team of investigators who shot footage of a mysterious creature. It was a group of hunters filming for a television program.

Easton Bowhunting set up a series of cameras triggered by motion ("stealthcams") in Colorado looking for black bear. When they later reviewed the footage, there was something else in the left side of the frames.

Take a peek for yourself:



Both the cast and crew are skeptics. Many are doubtful that had this been a mere stunt by a crew member it would have been allowed to go public like this. All anyone can agree on is that there's something that doesn't belong there... and it's not a bear.

Not Just the Garden Variety...

Residents of the Argentinean town of General Guemes are gripped by fear. Something has been seen, lurking in the darkness and terrorizing the locals. What sort of hideous creature could plague a neighborhood and keep people indoors after night falls?

A gnome.

Yes, a small figure wearing a pointy hat and "walking sideways like a crab". Making strange noises. Throwing stones.

Juan Alvarez and his other teenage friends were hanging out near a cemetery when they spotted the dwarf or "midget-like creature". They were scared—so scared that one of them had to be taken to the hospital. Other townspeople have since come forward with similar reports.

And so the panic spreads.

Luckily, he had his mobile phone handy and was filming his friends at the time of the incident. Watch the heart-pounding footage for yourself:



I would think that watching the movie 'Trolls' would have been a far more frightening experience, but I'm sure "you just had to be there".

Gnomes are actually taciturn mythical creatures from German folklore believed to live underground and guard buried treasure. They are commonly categorized as earth elementals, or creatures attuned with the ground.

Have gardeners finally gone too far? Is it a Travelocity gimmick? Have we pushed little people over the edge?

You decide.