Bits of the Strangely Newsworthy...

While I've been busy digging through Akron history, here are a few of the more bizarre (and slightly morbid or preternatural) news stories I missed from around the world.

Exterminating Self-Extermination...

Euthanasia can be controversial, but what about the right to do yourself in? While assisted suicide of terminally-ill patients is fine in Oregon, the state's House of Representatives has decided it's not right to cash in on someone else's desired death. A bill was passed on Monday making the sale of "suicide kits" illegal. California woman Sharlotte Hydorn has been selling asphyxiation kits for $60 each (plus shipping) to would-be final clients for some time, but now might face up to 10 years in prison for selling her wares (called "exit kits") to people in Oregon. I guess for those down-and-out souls on the rainy, dreary coast, it's back to the tried and true methods like arsenic, hand guns, and hangings.

File Under V for Vanished...

Many people have complained about the blacked-out portions of US military records dealing with unidentified flying objects. It could be worse; they could have disappeared. So seems to be the case in Australia where, after an exhaustive two-month search, the records housed by the military related to UFO reports (or "X-Files") are AWOL. The case files were recorded up until 2000 and a newspaper recently requested copies of the old documents, at which time the disappearance was discovered. Officials say they must have been lost or destroyed. Another government cover-up of alien contact? Or the cleaning crew doing overtime? One thing is for certain: no Aussie cattle are safe.

Recalculating the Apocalypse...

We can't blame Harold Camping for miscalculating the Rapture. Of the thousands of years of human time, narrowing down that one single day when the good Christians of the world would be beamed up to heaven must be a daunting task. After apologizing for his error, Camping has announced the real date of the end of the world: October 21, 2011. It's time to get those new billboards and signs prepared and enjoy the last few months before demons rise up and slaughter the wicked. Luckily for him, the new date falls much closer to Halloween. If you want to show the streets of the United States filled with ghouls, devils, and monsters, there's no better month than October.

Presidential Tomb Raiders...

The days of corpse theft are still alive and well . . . at least in the Mediterranean. Last month, three men were convicted of stealing the body of Cyprus' late President Tassos Papadopoulos. They planned to use the deceased as a bargaining chip to negotiate for the release of one of the men's brothers who was serving two life sentences for murder. (Luckily for him, not for the murder of the president.) Papadopoulos died of lung cancer in 2008; his body was stolen less than a year later. Desecration of a grave is a misdemeanor in Cyprus and the men were sentenced to 18-20 months in jail. While they may not have freed the convicted murderer, at least they won't have to wait to visit him behind bars.

Politics are Cutthroat...

We may think that politicians are insane fools, but in the republic of Kyrgyzstan, they certainly can be creative. It seems that Parliament in the former Soviet Central Asian country was having a lot of trouble. Obviously, it couldn't be caused by all the disputes and troubles caused by living people. It must have been the work of evil spirits. So they took it upon themselves to go back to their roots by asking, "What would our ancestors have done in times like this?" The answer was a eureka moment: Let's sacrifice some sheep! To appease the "evil spirits," rams were led to the green lawn in front of governmental headquarters and ritually slaughtered. According to Kurmanbek Osmonov, a member of Parliament, "This is a popular ancient tradition, carried out in order to avoid a repeat of last year's tragic events and for peace and harmony to triumph." Only time will tell of the sacrifice worked or, for that matter, if the trend will catch on and make politicians far more amusing.

Creepy World News...

It's that time again. Time to wade through the news and seek out those oddities of life, death, and whatever might come after.

Going Gayly to the Grave...

Do you think those drab coffins aren't good enough for you? Want to be buried with some style? If you're in Cologne, Germany you might be in luck! One gay undertaker couple is stepping up to help. Thomas Brandl and Michael Koenigsfeld have tailored a line of urns and coffins specifically for the gay community, featuring rainbow colors, nude figures, or whatever your homo heart desires. Being so unique, the coffins have sparked a lot of interest and quite a bit of positive response. "People are cutting back in the recession but the one group of consumers who still have high spending power are gay couples," Michael told Orange News, "and very few people are designing for them in this market." We've always been told 'you can't take it with you' yet this no longer applies to sexual identity.

Feast or Famine...

Hunger is a strong force, as residents of the Russian village of Verkhnyaya Chova are learning. An unseasonably hot summer and its resulting fires destroyed scores of forest berries and mushroooms: an important food source for brown bears. Last month a bear did the unthinkable. A corpse from the town's cemetery was dug up and eaten. The Emergencies Ministry has started 24-hour patrols of Komi Republic to protect residents and livestock. If you are what you eat, does this make them dead meat?

Shaking Up the Dead...

New Zealand ghost hunters may have found something that brings out the ghosts. Following the September 4th 7.0 earthquake—the largest in recorded Kiwi history—centered outside of Christchurch reports of paranormal activity doubled. Anton Heyrick of Christchurch Paranormal Investigators told The Press, "People are calling us, saying that they had always felt like there was something in the house, but since the earthquake it had become more intense." He speculates that the powerful force behind the seismic event (or the subsequent renovations to damaged buildings) could be behind the spike in occurrences. Unsettled dead or mass hysteria? It certainly warrants more observation.

Recruiting Religious Reinforcements...

The Catholic Church might have taken a beating in recent years, but now the popularity of exorcisms has the clergy scrambling to keep up with demand. A special two-day workshop was held earlier this month with 56 bishops and 66 priests in attendance to learn the arcane rite. Vatican law requires that only properly trained priests can perform the Rite of Exorcism, of whom only 5 or 6 existed in the US before the workshop. Undoubtedly the combination of "demonic spirits" on paranormal television and economic stress may have more people believing they're possessed or have a spawn of Satan living under their roof (aside from the odd relative). It's a shame Fangoria doesn't still sell those DIY Exorcism Kits. They could've saved themselves a lot of time and money.

Death by the Acre...

Two weeks ago I wrote about Sydney's first cemetery beneath present-day Sydney Town Hall. At that time I mentioned that a number of bodies exhumed were re-interred at Rookwood Necropolis. The interesting thing about this cemetery is it's the largest multicultural burial ground not only in Australia but in all the Southern Hemisphere. In the three square kilometers (over one square mile) of grounds approximately one million souls have met their final rest. Though some may not be so peaceful. Rookwood is also said to be the most haunted cemetery in the world.

An ideal spot for a new cemetery at Haslem's Creek (now Lidcombe) was chosen in 1862. The 200 acres were far enough away from Sydney as not to worry about encroachment (or so they believed). By 1879 the government needed to purchase an additional 577 acres to make more room. Originally a railway led to the cemetery for funerals but that ceased in 1948 after automobile funerals won out in popularity. Four of the five stations were demolished, with the last one being sold to Reverend Buckle in 1951 who dismantled it and reconstructed the depot as All Saints Church of England in Canberra's suburb of Ainslie. Yet many buildings remain, including a dozen chapels, three florist shops, and two cafes. It's practically an entire city for the dead.

Some of the oldest sections of the cemetery are overgrown with abundant indigenous plants as well as many various horticultural specimens. The Friends of Rookwood Inc. offers a variety of historical tours covering some famous and fascinating people buried throughout the cemetery. And undoubtedly one of the most interesting people you will find among the headstones is William Davenport.

The Davenport brothers, Ira and William, were highly acclaimed in their time as Spiritualist mediums. Born in Buffalo, New York the duo toured the United States for 10 years and met a great deal of skepticism from Houdini and others intent on exposing their magician's tricks as fraud. At the age of 36, William passed away from Tuberculosis on July 1, 1877 at the Oxford Hotel in Sydney. Ira returned to the US until his death in 1911 at which time he was buried in Mayville, New York.

As far as wandering souls are concerned, there is some debate about how haunted the cemetery really is. And we don't just mean last year's horny Satanist. If you ask tour guide Robyn Hawes she'll tell you there are no ghosts at Rookwood. Yet for decades haunting rumors have persisted. Allegedly both visitors and employees have experienced paranormal phenomena in Rookwood. Perhaps it's caused by a lonely convict of Davenport himself making one last appearance to better his reputation? Or is it just that pesky belief that all cemeteries must be haunted? Either way it's worth a visit just for the old Victorian headstones.

Forgotten Dead of the Big Smoke...

I still remember taking the Haunted Walk in Ottawa, Canada last year. It was a great experience and chance to learn about the hidden history of the city. One of the more interesting parts was exploring the city's earliest cemeteries. The first was a military site on Barrack's Hill, now referred to as Parliament Hill. That area now traversed by Sparks Street became a huge cemetery. You wouldn't know it today. All traces are covered by roads, buildings, and sidewalks. Yet construction work still unearths the occasional grave site and bones. Surely Sydney wouldn't be the same, right?

Not exactly. You won't find Old Sydney Burial Ground on any modern map. Many Sydneysiders walk right past it every day without giving it any notice. It dates back to 1792 and is situated at the southwest corner of George and Druitt Streets. Today the spot is better known as Sydney Town Hall.

The cemetery was in use until it was filled to capacity in 1820 and by 1840 had become a health hazard and unsightly place due to the haphazard burial techniques in clay soil. Interestingly enough the site was never consecrated or officially announced as a cemetery and it never had a trustee. No official records were kept though in 1845 it was estimated that some 2000 souls (both free citizens and convicts) were buried in these two acres of land.

As early as 1842 there was talk of removing the bodies and building a town hall. It wasn't until April 4, 1868 that the first foundation stone was laid on the new building. At the same time, the long process of exhumation began. Most graves were badly deteriorated. The bones and headstones that were uncovered were moved to  the Church of England cemetery at what is now Rookwood Necropolis. Unfortunately for these early dead people of Sydney's history many were left in the ground beneath the growing building.

Since 1871 when the Town Hall was being completed bones and headstone fragments have been routinely unearthed at the site. Even as recently as 2007 grave sites have been discovered and excavated. Of course, this isn't the only place in Australia hiding an old cemetery. There's Cathedral Park in Newcastle, Victoria Market in Melbourne, Canberra's Lake Burley-Griffin, and several others. While the dead have been forgotten and neglected they don't always rest in peace. It's no wonder that there are rumors that the ghosts of Sydney's former residents haunt Town Hall to this very day.

What a Strange World, Indeed...

It's been a while since I've taken a break to glance over some of the unusual (and often less-depressing) news from around the world. To be honest, it's been more difficult these days to find enough amusing news with a creepy twist. I blame the economy. It's making people far too serious. But never fear; I've scrounged the internet for

The Sweet Thrill of Blood-Sucking...

There's a sanguineous creature lurking in Puerto Rico. But this isn't your ordinary Chupacabra tale. Locals near Guánica fear a nocturnal winged phantom believed to be a gargoyle. As he/she/it has been so named, "the Gargoyle" is believed to be responsible for a series of attacks on living creatures and one human being. Livestock victims look oddly similar to the Chupacabra corpses with slashed throats. Mr. Valdo was attacked near Guánica Lagoon nearly 15 years ago by a large, winged creature leaving severe claw marks on his back and abdomen. The "Gargoyle" is described as a very large bird-like creature which smells strongly of sulfur (doesn't EVERY vicious cryptid?) and attacks healthy animals, draining them of blood.

Like any night-flying monster, it is believed to have a lair. Only a few months ago, Officer Miguel Negrón heard loud, powerful wings beating and the scratching of tin roof at the old abandoned Guánica Sugar Mill. Oh, sweet sanctuary! Let's see: we have an unexplained creature terrorizing locals, an abandoned building, a creepy tropical location... it almost sounds like an episode of Scooby Doo come to life!

Don't Speak in Tongues and Drive...

Everywhere, people seem to love spending copious amounts of money for personalizing the plates on their cars. Yet one woman in Sweden was denied her choice in vehicular statements. Law requires any request to be examined, ruling out anything deemed "offensive" or inappropriate. "Luzifer" didn't make the cut. Annsofie Tedfors hadn't intended to cause a major heated debate. It was both the name of her business and beloved feline and she "just wanted to pick a memorable name". But as they say, the Devil is in the details...

Répondez S'il Vous Plaît...

Josiane Vermeersch was unable to contact her son regarding the death of his uncle. Believing he was merely ignoring her after an argument over the summer, she attended the funeral near Lilles with the rest of her family. While leaving the cemetery one one of them noticed a new, wooden grave marker nearby in the poor section bearing the son's name and date of birth. Josiane collapsed from shock. The son, Olivier, passed away from natural causes over a month prior. Just a little reminder not to go to dead angry...

When Psychic Vision Isn't 20/20...

Australians have been eager to solve the disappearance of six-year-old Sydney-sider Kiesha Abrahams since she vanished around the beginning of August. Weeks later, an Aboriginal elder named Cheryl Carroll-Lagerwey had a dream about Kieska's murder and believed she knew the location of her body. Police began their search at the specified location at Nurragingy Reserve and discovered the dismembered body of an adult female. The victim is believed to be another Sydney woman who went missing in June. In all fairness, Carroll-Lagerwey does not believe herself to be psychic but does feel she has "a third sense". She told a Reuters reporter, "I have certain strong feelings about people who claim they are psychic. I don't think it will help if we enter a discussion on that."

What's New and Unusual...

So much has been happening, both in my life and worldwide, and I haven't had much chance to compose a long update here for quite some time. I thought about writing several individual posts on the various things but thought it best to condense it all into another "news in brief" moment for today. As for my own personal life, well... that major upheaval is best likened to the plate tectonic movements in the past several weeks. Major, major changes are happening too quickly at times. But once the dust settles, I'll give a more thorough update on those matters. For now, I'll focus on what's been going on while I've been asleep at the wheel of my blog.

Last week, director Tim Burton made the not-so-shocking admission that he does believe in the paranormal. Burton has had a few brushed with the unexplained and believes many people have had unusual experiences, yet they often don't discuss it or do their best to ignore it. He also mentioned that he finds cemeteries "peaceful" instead of creepy. As for his work, word was also announced concerning his newest venture. Plans are being discussed to turn Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (authored by Seth Grahame-Smith of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies fame) into a feature film. The new book follows the former present into his fictitious secret life pursuing blood drinkers. While the tale is odd it's quite well-crafted, not deviating from real history too far to make it absurd.

There is other book news to report as well. Stacy Horn's wonderful book Unbelievable: Investigations into Ghosts, Poltergeists, Telepathy, and Other Unseen Phenomena, from the Duke Parapsychology Laboratory telling about the history of parapsychology at the Rhine Research Center has been released in paperback. While I still prefer the hard-bound editions of books for my own shelf (when they're actually available) it's nice to have the option of paying less in our current economy.

Some Massachusetts residents are up in arms over maple syrup. In at least three cemeteries both in and around Lancaster, maple trees were found with sap buckets hanging off. The culprits weren't zealous manufacturers but Lancaster Cub Scout Pack 9, who was given permission to tap maples for a special project. The town officials, however, were unaware that cemetery trees would be targeted. Perhaps it sounds a bit creepy, but I would think it a harmless act. People might even pay more for the spooky syrup! It's not the only time anyone realized that a quiet spot such as a cemetery would be superb for undisturbed sap harvesting. In Quebec, a Google Earth view revealed similar sap buckets at a Sutton cemetery.

Finally from the southern hemisphere, selling spooks has once again made the headlines. A woman in Christchurch, New Zealand auctioned off two bottles containing "ghosts" on Trademe. The spirits, said to be those of a little girl and an old man, were "captured" during an exorcism and placed in bottles of holy water, presumably to keep them fresh? After their containment on July 15, 2009 no further activity was reported in the house. The glassed ghosts sold for nearly $2000.

Odd News Briefs...

In the last few busy weeks, several news stories fell through the cracks. Here's a little glimpse at some of the obscure events happening around the globe.

Keep You on Your Toes...

Darlington, Victoria has a new claim to fame: it will soon be home to Australia's first "vertical cemetery". Bodies will be buried on biodegradable shrouds standing upright at a cost of $2000—that's a savings of $5000 on a traditional burial. After all the plots are filled, it will become grazing and for cattle (gives a while new meaning to being put out to pasture, doesn't it?). Critics in the mortuary business say it's "disrespectful to the dead" but in these tough economic times, people aren't too shook up over their rotting corpses.

Mobile Monolith...

After selling their historic manor in Abbotts Court, John and Suzy Burton planned to leave a stone circle constructed by fashion guru Thomas Burberry at the site. The developer made clear his plans to demolish the neo-pagan structure, so the couple decided to take it with them. Neighbors were caught off guard as trucks and cranes descended on the suburbs of Dorchester, setting up the the massive stones. Both practicing witches, the Burtons brought their coven to consecrate the grounds. The added positive energy to the neighborhood has been quite wel-received.

Sweet Astronomy...

Do extraterrestrials have a sweet tooth? It's possible, since scientists recently found traces of glycoaldehyde—an organic compound related to simple sugar—some 26,000 light years from earth. The discovery, in a remote section of the central Milky Way where life was thought to be impossible, has brought up questions about other life forms existing in space. But the real, burning question is: one lump or two?

Wolf Man No More...

People suffering from "Werewolf Syndrome" may soon be able to live normal lives. Scientists at New York's Colombia University have made advances in a possible treatment for hypertrichosis, involving testosterone injections. 50 people wordwide suffer from the disease, leading to excessive hair growth over the entire body. This is good news for patients, but bad news for razor manufacturers and circus sideshows.

The Difficulties in Snapping a Picture...

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not an expert digital photographer. I still prefer the "old school" 35mm camera over modern technology. But while wandering Woodland Cemetery last week, I saw a perfect photo opportunity and captured the moment.

It took a few tries, but I finally managed.

Digital is the opposite of 35mm when it comes to lighting. Most pictures end up bleached. But this one (after three other tries) came out perfect. I just had to share it, since it brought out my long-dormant artistic side.

Click on the image to view it full-sized (1024 x 768).

Plasma from Heaven...

Some perplexing news comes from the country of Colombia last week. For a period of about 30 minutes, a 100-meter area of the village of Bagadó was deluged with red rain.

A sample of the rain was sent to a bacteriologist and he concluded that, in fact, it was blood.

Father Jhony Milton Cordova, a local priest, said it may be "a sign from God" telling humanity to "change their modus operandi, because mankind wants to change the course of history and be god himself."

Others disagree. There has been speculation about red rain for quite some time. The most likely scenario is algae. Porphyridium cruentum, a variety of red algae, actually can resemble red blood cells under a microscope, especially in large clusters. During blooms when the algae reproduction explodes, the clusters could become so large they could resemble globs of coagulated blood.

How they would get into the atmosphere is another story altogether, though.

On an interesting note, the hamlet was relocated to its current location back in 1994, following an avalanche. The hilltop where many of the houses now stand was also the site of the cemetery.

Finding the 'Family' Plot...

Wouldn't we all like to rest our bones beside the bones of those we've known and loved?

Assistens Kirkegård in Copenhagen has a very unique feature not found in other graveyards: a gay section.

Married couple Ivan Larsen and Ove Carlsen initiated the project by forming an organization named Regnbuen (or Rainbow) and renting space in the cemetery earlier this year. It lies beneath a large tree and contains enough room for 45 urns. Each plot costs 2500 kroner, or approximately US$565. The area is marked by a triangle made of stone pebbles with a large boulder, draped with a rainbow flag, perched along one of the angles.

Larsen, a minister, believes this is a very good thing. "Just as we have our own places where we can meet and have fun,... so we would also like to have a grave. And it's really nice that we have our own grave."

"We don't want to isolate ourselves but we also feel a need to be together," said Larsen. "We see this as a family grave, one that will be taken care of by our family.''

The cemetery dates back to 1737 and is the final resting place of many well-known people from Danish history, including author Hans Christian Andersen.

Somebody Needs the Wood...

Last week, a severe storm struck the small town of Maryville, Tennessee. A large oak tree was fell in Magnolia Cemetery and the groundskeepers worked on clearing it.

One of them noticed something peculiar about a section of log they lifted up. Ernest Ward claims the cross section bore a striking resemblance to a face. Amused by the discovery, he took it to the Daily Times.

A former worker believes the face is that of a spirit. Others, including The Sun, believe it bears a striking resemblance to Queen Elizabeth.

Be it male or female, royalty or pauper, this story probably will fade into the proverbial woodwork quite quickly... except in a small town with a slow news day.

These Boots Were Made for Walking...

What a looong weekend.

Friday evening, I went hiking with a small group at Indigo Lake in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. It was another late-night haunted hike... and I finally crawled into bed around 1:30 AM.

Saturday was another busy day. After keeping busy all morning, I went for a walk with Bill, Evelyn, Natasha and Robin in Lakeview Cemetery in Cleveland. We started out in the Garfield Monument, viewing President Garfield's tomb, climbing the stone spiral staircase, and enjoying the view. Trust me, it's not a small cemetery. I do believe we walked a few miles and we didn't even see the entire graveyard. And somehow, we managed to avoid most easy inclines and stairs, choosing instead to walk up and down the steepest part of the many hills. By the end, my feet were sore and I was feeling dehydrated.

Evelyn, Bill and I stopped at Tommy's in Coventry for a healthy dinner and browsed a few shops. I haven't visited that area of Cleveland in years, but it was just as nice as I remembered it. Plenty of interesting people to look at... and a bit of eyecandy as well.

We returned to Bill's for a few strawberry mudslides, movies, and a very late-night game of Trivial Pursuit. I crashed around 3:00 AM.

Sunday was a late start. I mowed Bill's lawn while he did laundry (with a manual reel push mower, mind you) and collapsed on the couch downing water like crazy. It was quite warm outside, yet we still went for a bike ride at Cuyahoga Community College. I wasn't on my customary bicycle so between the blister from the mower and the seat hurting my rear, I only did one loop around campus. after pizza, I went home again, exhausted. I'm still a bit sore today!

I won't complain, though. It was a nice weekend to be outdoors. It seems that the weather is finally improving... hopefully for good.

Plots for Potheads...

Three teenagers in Texas were in desperate need of a marijuana fix. Since they didn't happen to have a bong handy, they decided to improvise.

Allegedly, the druggie trio sneaked into an abandoned cemetery in the woods near Humble over a two-day period, dug up the grave of an 11-year-old boy who passed away in 1921, removed the skull from the interred body, and carried the head home to smoke marijuana out of the cranium.

Police were questioning Kevin Wade Jones Jr., 17, on a charge of vehicular burglary when he recounted the tale. The police thought it was merely an attempt to throw them off course.

When they went to the home of Matthew Gonzalez, 17, and asked him about the story, he spit his food out at the dining table.

Police have charged them all with abuse of a corpse. Gonzalez was also charged with misdemeanor theft for the vehicle break-in while Jones and the unnamed third juvenile each face charges of credit card abuse.

And the skull? It's still missing. Authorities are still attempting to locate it in an effort to place it back in the grave.

The cemetery is believed to have been the final resting place for black war veterans and their families.

A Penultimate Resting Place...

More than just houses might be disturbed in Southport...

This suburb in Queensland, Australia is facing change. Queen Street, the oldest in the community, will follow a new proposed rapid transit route. There is a decision to be made: do they lose 60 homes, 100 graves in Southport Cemetery, or half the road?

The cemetery was established in 1880... around the time an interesting ghost story first appeared in local lore: the ghost of a giant.

Pioneer Tom Cowderoy first encountered the apparition while returning home along a footpath near the present-day street. He described it as a "large apparition, coloured a greyish white,... higher than the tops of the trees." Cowderoy stopped to watch the spirit for a while before his fear became too great. He walked onward, avoiding any glances at the spirit, until he finally peeked enough to notice the ghost was actually following beside him. He quickened his pace and didn't look back the rest of the journey.

And no, Cowderoy did not drink.

Who knows. Perhaps this little bit of excavation could reawaken the old spook. Let's just hope they don't disturb too many graves and create more Gold Coast hauntings of a shorter stature...

No Rest for the Damned...

Want some peace and quiet? A restful retreat? Some time alone to gather your thoughts?

Why not lie in a grave for a little while?

At least that was the plan created by a vicar in Düsseldorf, Germany. Thorsten Nolting thought it might be a nice, "meditative exercise" for his parishioners. People would be permitted a seven-minute stay six feet under to contemplate the world above and resisting the "dark energy...weighing them down".

Of course, the local media ruined it for everyone.

Peace was disrupted by reporters and inquisitive journalists. The end result? Participants were leaving the graves more stressed than ever. They could not find solitude while being questions endlessly by the media about their experiences and had a difficult time blocking out the din from above. One local man was still shaking 20 minutes after emerging from the plot.

Perhaps cemeteries are only truly peaceful when you're dead.

Stop Dying Already!

A new ordinance in Sarpourenx, France is no laughing matter for Mayor Gerard Lalanne. The town's cemetery has run out of room for graves and there are no plans for expansion.

So, 70-year-old Lalanne has made a bold statement: if you haven't bought a plot by now, it's too late. "All [other] persons... are forbidden from dying in the parish."

Find somewhere else to die, people. We won't tolerate you dying in this town!

Think it's a joke? He added, "Offenders will be severely punished."

I wonder, is there really a fate worse than death?