Buy, Sell, or Shuffle?

Obviously, we consider banks to be rather meticulous with their money and cautious with what they do with it. Brits may not have as much faith anymore, considering some of the nations largest financial institutions are using an interesting method to play the market.

Astrologers.

And they aren't the only ones turning to the stars. Even investment funds and retail companies are turning to the zodiac for major decisions. As the credit crunch worsens, a growing network of discreet astrologers are finding the times very profitable.

And why do they do it? Apparently, it is working somehow. High and Mighty, a men's big and tall clothing retailer, has successfully used readings to make business decisions.

The key is planetary alignment. This principle has been around for centuries in heliocentric astrology. Hitler relied on it to plot moves (but didn't factor it in with the Battle of Britain). Ronald Reagan and Boris Yeltsin planned their travels around the planets. Many celebrities seem to have certain similarities concerning which planets were rising and falling during their birth.

Dr. Percy Seymour, a retired astrophysicist from Plymouth University, claims that after studying the planets for decades, they have a point. Magnetic fields are altered slightly as the planets rotate, and though it doesn't control us "it can influence us."

So, what do the planets say is in store with finances? Things will begin a slight upswing in April, but starting in August, the global economy is expected to be in for a very rough 4 or 5 years. October of 2008 will mark another crisis. And 2012 itself is supposed to be a crucial year of major catastrophe (ironic, since London hosts the Olympics in that year.)

Why can't we ever get good news from astrology?

No matter what you believe, in all probability we are in for a difficult few years. But do I need a chart or book to tell me that?