Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Thanks For Noticing Me...

So, this week I'm feeling "eh". That's the only word to describe it.

I feel a bit swept up by things, like a house carried away by floodwaters. Left to the mercy of the current. Pulled in a million directions and tossed into debris.

And that's just the fun aspects of my life!

While working at a small business years ago, I acquired the nickname "slave boy". I was the only male employee so I was called upon for heavy lifting and "butch" activity. It was a joke at the time, but sometimes I still feel that way many times. The work horse dragged from the barn to plow the field, then shut back away behind the doors. Just toss a few oats at me and I'll be happy, right?

Well, no.

That only leads to feeling beaten down. Broken. Awaiting the glue factory.

Well, that sums up how I feel in some circumstances anymore. That I should just deal with everything and put on a happy face. Sure, I find humor in life, but that doesn't mean I can just put on that happy face and be content with everything. Like most people, I need a sense of identity. A sense of self. A sense of feeling loved and valued as a human being instead of a quick pat on the head to shut me up.

Drama is meant for the stage. Cheerleading belongs in a high school stadium. Patronizing behavior is best suited for day care. Facades are fine on houses and in Hollywood.

Life should be an enjoyable experience, not a fun house. I'm still trying to sort through the mirrors to find which ones are true.


Liam said...


I do hope you would tell me if the way I treat you is not to your liking.

You know truly hurting you is the LAST thing I want to do!

Chris said...

Awwwww I understand and feel for you. I know from my own past and even present my emotions and feelings as well. I am always here for you and I do care alot about you and never would give you a pat on the head but a warm hug. your a truly a wonderful guy with a big heart and who's there for everyone. I am always here day and night for you if you need me, my phone is always on! :-) Warm Huggs!

Dragon said...

I consider you a good friend and if you ever need to talk I am always here. :-)